When I wasn’t paying any attention, a three-day weekend snuck up on me. Labor Day! I guess the summer is really over. That’s fine with me. I didn’t spend much time mowing, but I spent a lot of time watering the garden. I survived a trip to the beach with my mother-in-law, although the car repairs cost almost as much as the vacation. Now that it’s over, it seems like the summer just flew by. The kids are having their own yard sale and lemonade stand today at Grandma's house to raise money to buy my birthday gift (sniff). They'd never have this much iniative if I hadn't taken their allowances away for misbehavior.



Gangster Wiggles (via Fuzzytopia)

You have to watch this stunt man audition video. I was quite impressed, and it takes a lot to impress me these days.

A  third, and yet more dangerous homemade Slip’n Slide.

Crosswalk Prank. When you watch this, look for the cow and the chicken.

I’ll bet he can do it better than he can say it.

The first bloggers.

A list of species designations for Wile E. Coyote.

TOOTH EXTRACTION

A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth extracted.  The dentist takes out a syringe to give the man a shot. "No way! No needles! I hate needles," the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."

The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't"  said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto when your tooth comes out."

Partial Face Transplants. Some very good Photoshop users made portraits by using the left side of one person’s face, and the right side of another. Cover half the face with your hand to recognize who it is. (via Dump Trumpet)

A long line of funny links about Miss South Carolina and her 15 minutes of internet fame.

Say What? mental_floss’ Nonsense Lyrics Quiz.

Ugly Jugs. It’s not what you think, you pervert!

Senator Larry Craig was arrested and pled guilty to public disturbance when he was caught soliciting in a mensroom. Then he made a public statement. Which was immediately remixed.

The evil eye of the Vampire Squid.

Durian is a hypnotically beautiful animation. Take five minutes and chill out to this. (via Miltant Platytpus)

WHICH PART

Thanks, Whitesnake!)

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy and her legs straight up in the air and she was saying,   "Oh ! God, I'm coming!"

"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The Nun fainted.

Thought for today: I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. -Mae West

humor jokes video funny games

People used to say that if you took a million monkeys and a million typewriters and gave them a million years, eventually someone would produce Shakespearian-quality writing. Then the internet came along, and we have millions of monkeys pounding away at millions of keyboards (myself included), and it hasn’t taken us a million years to figure out that it ain’t gonna happen. They are so like us, yet just enough different to make a monkey or an ape doing human things seem tremendously funny. I wonder if monkeys in the wild laugh at us! The title picture is from Animaux Humoristiques. (via Grow-A-Brain)



Chimpanzee hosting a talk show.

Monkey Kickoff. How far can YOU kick the ball?

Monkey vs. Toddler. Which should you invest in?

Ten Famous Monkeys in Science.

Look At This has a great collection of Monkey-ed Movies. You’ll enjoy these.

Monkeys steal drinks at a Carribean resort and get hammered.

Top 3 Moments in Monkey-peeing History. (warning: gross)

Even gorillas can be henpecked.

A chimp and his dog take the train. (via Japan Probe)

GORILLA EXTERMINATOR

A man woke up one morning, looked out the window, and saw a huge gorilla in the tree in his back yard. Feeling very nervous, he grabbed the phone book and looked up 'gorilla exterminators' in the Yellow Pages.

He called the exterminator, who said he would be right out. The exterminator arrived in a van, hopped out, and opened the door. He took out a large net, a shotgun, and a fierce-looking dog.

"OK", he said, "this is how it works, I climb the tree and shake it and the gorilla falls to the ground. The dog runs over and bites him in a vital spot. While he's disabled, you throw the net over him. I'll come down and we'll tie him up".

As the exterminator started up the tree, the man called, "What do I do with the shotgun?"

The exterminator said, "Sometimes when I shake the tree, the gorilla shakes it back and I fall out of the tree. If that happens ...... you shoot the dog".

A CHIMP WALKS INTO A BAR

A barman was astonished one day when a chimpanzee came into his bar ordered a beer and gave him a tenner.

Pretty smart thought the barman, but he'll have no idea of what money means and gives him a pound back in the change

"Don't get many chimps in here." says the barman conversationally (I mean, come on, what else would you say?)

"Not surprised" says the chimp quaffing his beer "at 9 pounds a pint it's no wonder."

Chimp walks dogs

Previously at Miss Cellania: Apes and Monkeys and Monkeys and Apes

Thought for today: An example from the monkey: the higher it climbs, the more you see of its behind.

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The signs are all around us, each competing for our limited attention. I recently saw a brand-new marquee in front of a church. It said “We asked God for a sign, and here it is!” My sister-in-law saw a sign that said “No skateboarding inside store” and it made her think about what must’ve happened to cause such a sign to be neccessary. Every weird sign has a story; we only see the end result. Like hearing a punchline without the setup. Sometimes you can reverse engineer the backstory, other times you just scratch your head. There’s liable to be some head scratching right here today!

 
Signs -5 Man Electrical Band

Strange signs (and other sights) in New Zealand. (via the Presurfer)

Chinese signs that attempt English. (via Grow-A-Brain)

Welcome to where?

Burma Shave poetry.

Stick figures in peril! Those little guys can't catch a break.

Dark Roasted Blend has posted another edition of weird signs. Check out the link to previous editions, also!

Neatorama now has an entire category for funny business names. 

SIGNS

(click to enlarge) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SIGNAGE

A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an unorthodox fashion, and so draped a banner on the front of their building that read: "Our Staff will stuff your Stiff."

Not to be outdone, the Madame across the street had her girls respond with a banner: "Our Stuff will stiff your Staff."

Here’s Your Sign

Thought for today: I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Indeed, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. -Ogden Nash

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When I was employed in the media, I spent many years reading the news. I also spent a couple of years as a news director, which was totally different. Reading and/or recording the news takes a few minutes, finding the news is a job, especially in a sleepy little southern city. I was lucky that a big chunk of my news career spanned the 1988 elections. Our senator, Al Gore, was running for president. Former Governor Ray Blanton was trying to make a comeback by running for senate in my district. The rest of the candidates were almost as newsworthy. Those were good times. Lots of jokes. The stuff I couldn’t broadcast was so much better than what make it to air!



What We Call The News (via Erudite Redneck)

Journalism rules: Here are the secrets. As if you didn’t already know these.

Drew Curtis Says Being Informed is 95% Stupid.

How the news works. (via Grow-A-Brain)

Fox News is scaring our grandparents.

Sometimes, it's just a slow news day.  But you can still have breaking news!

When you are presenting a story about serial murder, be sure to put up some eye-catching graphic content.

The Hazards of Live Reporting, chapter 832. The Brits handle this sort of thing a little differently.

This is not professional at all. But it’s funny!

Great moments in journamalism. Watch the video, and listen for the “OMG, what have we done?” moment.

Watch this Russian broadcaster try to give a live financial report. What he says doesn’t matter. The guy behind him must have some pull at the station , to keep his job after this. (Thanks, Jan!)

Welcome to America. A journalist from England came to LA for a story and was arrested for not knowing she now needed a special visa. This is the way we treat visitors from allied nations these days.

Son of the victim

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered.

A newspaper reporter anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

Light Bulbs

How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. "We just report the facts, we don't change them."
B. Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.

How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but first he has to rewire the entire building.

The Fire

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

Watch where you are going!

Previously at Miss Cellania: Journalism

Thought for today: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

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This is my 23rd Mars and Venus post! There may even be more than that, since I don't have everything categorized yet, but you can see old posts here. You’d think sooner or later, the humor in the subject would be exhausted, but there seems to be no end. I have to admit, the opposite sex is fascinating and frustrating, no matter which one it is. Men would like to figure out what makes a woman tick, and women would certainly like to figure out what makes men the way they are. We can try to explain it to one another,  but knowing and understanding are two very different things, and that’s where the funny stuff starts!

Bill Engvall on the Difference

Women really say some weird things at times. (via Double Viking) This is another reason you should read Overheard in New York.

Men are from Google, Women are from Yahoo. The difference in how men and women use the internet.

Ten things that men are more likely to do than women. You probably already know these, but this list is based on research.

Ten things women are more likely to do than men. Some of these may surprise you.

Ten things men should never have appropriated from women.

Men that are Better than Any Woman Ever. Four of them, including the author of this piece and a fictional character.

How to read a woman’s facial expressions. For clueless men. This explains a lot. We women assume you guys know how to do this already, since it’s so simple for us.

Pink for girls, blue for boys? It wasn’t always so! Bad Science takes a look at the recent news that scientists found a preference for pink in females. According to early 20th century literature, pink should be designated for boys, and blue for girls!

10 Things You Don't Know About Women. (via Look at This)

Another, more serious view of the difference between men and women.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Communication

(via Bits and Pieces)

What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
you'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears:
blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW

WOMEN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

Remember, you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.

Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night".

Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."

Ten Things Only Women Understand

(Thanks, Rich!)
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN

 
Thought for today: I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?" -Garry Shandling

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The presidential campaign season started awfully early this time around. It’s because the race is wide open, since Bush can’t run again and Cheney isn’t going to. So everyone thinks they have a chance, including a lot of people who don’t have a chance, and even those who don’t want the chance. You know the candidates who are campaigning for the republican and democratic party nominations, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Granted, it’s the tip that’s above water, but there are others below the surface. Some may surprise you. I’ve divided these into people you’ve heard of, bloggers, people you’ve never heard of, and people who don’t exist at all.



But first, here’s a word on the 2008 race from Chris Rock.

NON-POLITICIANS YOU KNOW

Bill Gates for president. It was a draft campaign, but they eventually gave up.

Steve Jobs for President t-shirt.

Christopher Walken for president.

A draft petition for Jeff Bridges for president.

The Useless Men are handicapping a presidential race between Steven Seigal and David Hasselhoff.

Chuck Norris’ campaign promises, IF he were to run for president. From Grow-A-Brain’s post on Fringe Candidates, with lots more goodies.

Oprah Winfrey has a loyal base and a head start on everyone else, but the problem is, she doesn’t want to run.

Pornographer Al Goldstein is running. (NSFW)

BLOGGERS

Mike Ashley of It Occurred to Me is running for office on premise of “Why not? Everyone else is doing it!”

Skunkfeathers is taking time away from stormchasing and scambaiting to run for president on the National Barking Spider Resurgence Party ticket. He’s pretty serious about it -he even started a campaign blog!

Actor212 of Simply Left Behind is running for something called “(not) president.” Which is a shame, since he’s the Blogosphere’s Great Liberal Hope. I suppose it’s because if worst came to worst and he won, he may have to actually serve.

CANDIDATES YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF

 Grover Cleveland Mullins, from Harlan County, Kentucky (where I was born).

Jonathon Sharkey, Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party candidate for president.

Ron for president.

Vermin Supreme (more here)

Paul Ding is running for the nomination of the Whig Party. His campaign promises include 1. to bathe regularly. At least once a month in the winter, and in summer, as often as once a week! 2. to die in office. To this end, he promises to disband the secret service.

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

 Cthulhu for president.

General Zod for president

Lisa Simpson for President. (via Grow-A-Brain)

Lambchop is pissed that he can’t vote, but he has a dream.

I also ran into a couple of political parties you’ve never heard of; the Ezenhemmer Plastic Bags and Child Rearing Utensils Party and The Official Monster Raving Loony Party (based in Britain).

THE PRIEST AND THE POLITICIAN

(via Bit and Pieces)
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession  I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."...

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Thought for today: Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected, then get even. - James Carville

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When I was a kid (a very very YOUNG child, yeah, thats right), my family watched two science fiction series on TV every week. That would be Lost in Space, and Star Trek. One was supposed to be funny, but wasn't. The other was supposed to be serious, but came across as really funny. Many many years later, I still like to catch an episode of Star Trek (now known affectionately as The Original Series), but could care less about Lost in Space.

I spent quite a few years married to a guy who would drive across the state to attend a Star Trek Con. Those were some wild times, alright, elbow to elbow with the nerdiest folks on earth. I enjoyed it, as you can see from the photo. I made these costumes, and charged an arm and a leg for them, too! Things sure change- I found some old Game Boy cartridges, one of which was a Star Trek game. My kids asked about it. Hard for me to believe they have never heard of Star Trek. Looks like I have been neglecting their pop cultural education.

A home theater designed to look like the Starship Enterprise bridge.

Tony Alleyne redecorates homes in the Star Trek manner. Has NOT made his fortune.

Marshall Oak wants to be a Starfleet Captain. Here's his photo gallery as such.

Leonard Nimoy Photography (contains nudity).

Dr. Suess does Star Trek TNG.

You are cordially invited to a Klingon wedding.

Sin City has found NEW Star Trek episodes.

The difference between Star Trek and Star Wars.


You're Addicted to Star Trek

Your favorite drink: Tea, earl grey, hot.

You can quote the name of every single episode just by watching the first 10 seconds of the introductory clip

You own 13 Star Trek Technical Manuals and Blue Print Schematics of all Starship but you no longer need them

When seeing a doctor, you're afraid of getting a shot and ask for a hypospray instead

Your electronic project: Positronic brain

You have 4 TVs at home and each of them are playing TOS, TNG, DS9 and VOY respectively 24 hours a day non-stop

You remembered the lock up code that Data uses on the Enterprise's Main Bridge before beaming down to meet Dr. Soong and Lore

You've learned playing the song "The Inner Light" with a penny whistle

After broken your neighbour's window, instead of just running away, you try to use the "Picard Maneuver" to escape

You're hosting a conference, your response to any suggestions: Make it so

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Star Trek.

Which Star Trek Character Am I?


Kathryn Janeway. All your friends and those around
you will be there at your side, just don't
get too far away from them or they'll think
you're in trouble.

Which Star Trek Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...
* your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
* he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
* you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
* he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
* he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
* he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
* he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
* he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
* he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
* he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
* he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
* he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
* he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
* he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
* he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
* he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
* he paints the starship John Deere green
* he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
* he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
* his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
* he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
* his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
* he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
* his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
* he sets phaser to "Cajun"

**Thanks to Dave B for the graphics help today!

Thought for today: Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.

This post first appeared on February 23rg, 2006.

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Heat wave! I can barely make myself go outside after dark to water the garden, but it’s neccessary. Forget mowing, I have no death wish. My peppers are turning red as fast as they can -faster than I can process them. The tomatoes have given their all and are fading fast. The grass is brown, and the sunflowers are drooped over under the weight of their seeds. This place looks more like October than August, but it feels like pure August dog days misery. I don’t even want to hear what the heat index is supposed to be anymore. It makes you wonder how on earth we ever got along without air conditioning. My kids’ school has central air, but it fails under the load every afternoon, so I sent a box fan to help out. Princess found that’s one sure way to become popular!



Total Momsense (via Old Horsetail Snake)

Can you count all the sexual metaphors they crammed into this one ad?

13 of the worst fake accents on film.

Two guys swearing at each other. Very much NSFW. (via b3ta)

The ten best and worst cities, ranked for liveability.

Uranus’ rings weren’t discovered until 1977. Now, a telescope in Hawaii has taken images of the side where the sun doesn’t shine. The changes observed in the rings since 1980 are attributed to large impacts (and you know how painful that can be). Some say those aren't really rings, they're Klingons flying around Uranus. Of course, humans can't live on Uranus, because  of all the gas.

Loads of Laughter: Internet acronyms, badly interpreted.

If corporate board meetings were like the internet. So true.

Fun with Labels at the Asian Market. Pork uterus, anyone? (via the Presurfer)

Bubba At The Revival

(Thanks, Rich!)
Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.

Bubba gets in line and when it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about? "

Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while.  After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"

Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday."

I have found the ultimate Groucho glasses picture, but in keeping with my no-nudity policy, I’ll just send you to see it at It Occurred to Me.

What an out-of-control window washing rig can do to a glass skyscraper.

A nightmare-inducing version of the childrens book If You Give  a Mouse a Cookie.

How to repair your glasses to make them last forever.

Really Cool Aquariums.

Dedicated photographers go the extra mile for a picture.

What Not to Knit and What Not to Crochet. (via the Presurfer)

What a Wonderful World. A funny, touching, and impressive shadow puppet show.

CHAFFEUR

(Thanks, Gary!)
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine waiting to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver. "You know" he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?"
The driver said, "No problem. Have at it."

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. He told the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law... But I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person."

The supervisor asked, "Is it the governor?"

The young trooper said, "No, he's more important  than that."

The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the president."

The young trooper said, "No, he's even more important than that."

The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?" 

The young trooper said, "I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!"

The Dog and The Bunny (via Everlasting Blort)

A film by Hungarian Igor Lazin, originally entitled A kutya és a nyuszi, this silly film looks at misunderstandings between species.

Thought for today: He who hesitates is a damned fool. -Mae West

humor jokes video funny games

I don’t really have an amusing anecdote as an intro to this post. My personal sports experience is limited. I ran track one year in high school, my dad was a golf coach, and I can tell you anything you want to know about the University of Kentucky basketball team, as long as you limit it to the 1995-1998 teams. Outside of that, I just managed to amass an eclectic set of links that made me laugh or impressed me in one way or another. I hope you enjoy them!



Sports can be Painful! (via Bits and Pieces)

Top Ten Stupid Soccer Goals.

7 Underhanded Sports Tactics.

Hockey Shortstop.

59-year-old Mike Flynt’s biggest regret was getting kicked off his college football team in his senior year -37 years ago. So he checked his eligibility and joined the team once again at Sul Ross State in Texas! He is eight years older than his coach, and has children older than his teammates. (via College Humor)

A collection of your favorite sports figures in all their blatant vulgarity.

30 New Extreme Sports. (via Grow-A-Brain)

The Most Hilarious Musical Crossover Attempts By Athletes. (via Gorilla Mask)

Underwater Hockey. (via Simply Left Behind)

This enormous graph plots every NBA player who played between 1979 and 2007 by their stats. The Y-axis shows points per game, and the X-axis ranks the total of other stats. You can zoom in, although it may be a slow load. I looked at the top right corner and zoomed in on, no surprise, M. Jordan. A detailed explanation is here. (via The Presurfer and Metafilter)

LITTLE LEAGUE

(via Bits and Pieces)
As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home.

As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile.

"Really?" I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged."

"Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. "Why should we be discouraged ? We haven't been up to bat yet."

Sports Acrobatics.


Don’t you just love high-speed sports photography? Dark Roasted Blend has