Man, this looks like fun! Wonder where I can get a giant ring?

Trust me, it gets funnier as it goes.

Famous characters from the internet get the South Park treatment. (via the Presurfer)

Hamster eggs, anyone?

A performance on the Russian Barre, recorded for Chinese television at the Circus Festival of Monte Carlo. The last stunt is unbelievable! (via Cynical-C)

I'm not sure how to describe this. It's like a combination of belly dancing and juggling or something. But Shabnam is good at it! (via Cynical-C)

It's the sign of a pro when something horrible happens on your live show, but you hang with it and don't interrupt the performance. In this case, one of the show's hosts gets her earring caught in the singer's microphone transmitter. (via Arbroath)

 

(via Cynical-C)

The links between Star Wars and The Muppets are varied and plentiful. I like the sound of that! Lets all say it together... "varied and plentiful." I'll have to remember that and use it again. Both Star Wars and The Muppets are popular with kids, who still like both when they reach adulthood. Both use funny-looking creatures. Both employ Frank Oz. Both have a lucrative toy marketing franchise. And then there's Jar Jar Binks, which makes you think of a Muppet, but none of the Muppet people will claim him. They will be glad to claim Chewbacca.

In 1980, Mark Hamill guest starred on The Muppet Show. Therefore, all the other Star Wars characters had to make an appearance. I found a synopsis of this lunacy. More images here.

 

The Muppet Show, Star Wars Episode

You can watch the full episode, part one, part two, and part three.

Then we heard that Frank Oz, muppeteer extraordinaire, second only to Jim Henson on the creative side of the muppets, was going to do a character in the second Star Wars film (episode 5 for you young 'uns) named Yoda.

A song to set the mood: The Star Wars Cantina.

C3PO meets Big Bird.

C3PO meets Kermit.

Gonzo's recurring character Dearth Nadir.

Darth Elmo, also known as Darth Elmo the Treacherous, was a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord known for being more evil than any other being in the Galaxy. He was so evil, in fact, that his attempt to set up his own Galaxy-spanning Sith Empire failed only because he turned on himself, in what later Sith would enviously call "the ultimate act of treachery."

In 1999, the muppets did their own space movie, Muppets from Space.

Which was a natural progression from the earlier skit Pigs in Space.

Lyrics to Y.O.D.A. (to the tune of Y.M.C.A.)

Sesame Street, the Star Wars episode.

R2D2 and C3PO on Sesame Street

The Top 12 Things Uttered by Yoda During Sex

11. "Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must."

10. "Feel the force!"

9. "Foreplay, cuddling - a Jedi craves not these things."

8. "Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!"

7. "Do me or do me not - there is no try."

6. "Early must I rise. Leave now you must!"

5. "You know, this would be a lot more fun without Frank
Oz's hand up my ass."

4. "Happens to every guy sometimes this does."

3. "When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmm?"

2. "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!"

1. "Who's your Jedi master? WHO'S your Jedi Master?"

Thought for today: May the farce be with you.

This post first appeared April 6th, 2006.

humor jokes video funny Muppets Star Wars Yoda puppet

Batman has always been more fun than Superman. While Superman is, well, super, he was always too perfect, and rather one-dimensional. Batman is quite human. Through many incarnations of the same basic character, we can see what we want to in him. A fabulously wealthy man with lots of sexy toys in the basement becomes a mysterious crime fighter when needed. He can be the pompous and insufferably smart hero of the 60s TV series, or the brooding and enigmatic Michael Keaton character. Plus the many other types of Batman in the comics over the years. Batman stories have real suspense, because there is always the remote possibility he can get hurt or even killed. And there’s the real likelihood he’ll become angry, spiteful, or even do something he’ll regret later. Like all of us.



The Dark Knight in Lego

Take a look at Why So Serious? The Many Faces of Joker, with images spanning from the comic book to feature the character in 1940 to Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight. Bonus: Here’s an image of the even earlier character who inspired the creation of The Joker.

The Dark Knight trailer, mixed with the 1966 Batman TV series.

The Daily Batman. “A Batman a day keeps the doctor away.”

The Best Batman Joke Ever.

Batman and Robin music you can download.

The Official Burt Ward Website. For you young folks, he played Robin on TV.

The best name for anyone ever.

Batman by Dostoyevsky.

Batman Lecturing Robin. He did a lot of that, if you recall. (via Say No To Crack)

CAMPING OUT

Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

Robin ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?"

Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:

"Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

MARRIAGE

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men….that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again…..

The engaged girlfriend said: “The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He saw me he said, “You are the woman of my life, I love you…then we made love all night long.”

The mistress stated: “Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat… he did not say anything…..but we had wild sex all night.”

The married one then said: “The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes….my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says: “Hi Batman, what’s for dinner?”

Previously at Miss Cellania: Superhero and Superhero Roundup

Thought for today:  If Clark wanted, he could use his superspeed and squish me into the cement. But I know how he thinks. Even more than the Kryptonite, he's got one big weakness. Deep down, Clark's essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not. -Batman

humor jokes video funny games Batman superhero Robin The Dark Knight

When I Googled “classic TV”, one of the top articles that came up was about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sigh. I guess the definition of “classic” varies among generations. So I’m not restricting this post to the Golden Age of Television, although that was the original intent. I’m old enough to remember when there was only one TV in the house and nobody argued about what to watch, because we only had one or two channels to choose from. When you met others at school or work the next day, you could be sure that just about everyone watched the same shows you did. Cartoons were only on for a hour after school and on Saturday mornings. Hearing The Syncopated Clock meant you were suffering from insomnia. If you missed an episode, you just missed it -no alternate feeds, no Tivo, no DVD collections. My kids don’t understand how I managed to grow up without a rewind button.



Twin Peaks in Lego (via Dump Trumpet)

Where are they now: the Cast of M*A*S*H. Hint: they are either dead, painting pictures, or have a new movie coming out.

The Seven Deadly Sins of Gilligan’s Island. I think poor Gilligan was labeled with “what’s left”. (via J-Walk Blog)

Dark Shadows Stick Figure Theatre. Several episodes to choose from.

TVgasm, a blog about television shows. Find your favorite and have a laugh.

The MZTV Museum of Television offers a timeline of television history. (via the Presurfer)

15 TV Sensations Whose Popularity Faded Fast.

Name That TV Theme Song Game. This is way more fun than it should be.

The Five Most Disturbing Public Service Announcements of All Time.

As Seen on TV: The 10 Most Laughably Misleading Ads.

Whatever happened to all those people who played peripheral characters on Seinfeld?

Where are they now? The original 6 American Gladiators.

Cases of Life Imitating the Simpsons. Either Matt Groening is psychic, or we live in a very weird world. And right after that was posted, here comes another example.

There’s too much violins on TV.

Things you would never know without TV.

The Encyclopedia of Television. (via the Presurfer)

The Smartest TV Shows of All Time, as compiled by the chairman of Mensa. Your opinions may vary.

The 100 Best TV Shows of all Time.

Blog of the Day: The Classic TV History Blog.

Interactive TV Test Pattern. Click on the screen to change it up.

What TV Has Become

 NBC
8:00 Friends
8:30 Girlfriends
9:00 One Guy with Several Female Friends
9:30 My Gay Friends
10:00 Friends You Wish You Had But Don't

FOX
8:00 Real Humans in Real Pain
8:30 Feral Dingoes Eating Children on Tape
9:00 Jiggle It Beach
9:30 LA Chicks
10:00 The Simpsons, carrying the entire network

FOX NEWS
8:00 Bill O’Reilly Hates Everyone
8:30 Hannity & Colmes Hates Selected Guests
9:00 Brit Hume Loves George Bush
9:30 Some Selected News Stories
10:00 Sinful Things You Must See

The CW
8:00 The Unwatchables
8:30 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Ratings
9:00 Theoretically Existing Show
9:30 Praying For Syndication
10:00 The Last Thing You'd Ever Want To Sit Through

PUBLIC ACCESS
8:00 Blurry Steve
8:30 Inaudible City Council Meeting
9:00 Do We Have A Caller On The Line? Hello?
9:30 The Best Of Lunch Menus
10:00 My Friend Made This Short Film

HBO
8:00 Police Series with Swearing and Sex
9:00 Western Series with Swearing and Sex
10:00 Prison Series with Swearing and Sex
11:00 A Movie

E!
8:00 Andy Gibb: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills
8:30 John Belushi: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills
9:00 Margot Kidder: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills
9:30 River Phoenix: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills
10:00 Boy George: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills

ESPN2
8:00 Finland's Brutalest Men
8:30 Being Hit By A Trolley Regional Semifinals
9:00 60 Minutes Of Joe Theismann's Leg Breaking
10:00 Coed Spread-Eagled Weight-Training From Maui

LIFETIME
8:00 How Can I Choose Between My Daughters?
9:00 The Abused Wife Who Didn't Mean To Kill Her Fourth Husband in Self-Defense
10:00 The Boy Whose Mommy Watched Far Too Much Television

MTV
8:00 Reality Show with Beautiful Young People
9:00 Beautiful Young People in Some Cool Place
9:30 How to Hook Up with Beautiful Young People
10:00 Ugly Old People who Used to be Pop Stars

TNN (a clue to how old the original version of this joke is)
8:00 Well, I'll Be Dipped in Pigturd!
8:30 Roadkill Recipe to Warm the Cockles of Your Heart
9:00 You Hush Up, Wanda Mae
9:30 Sheeeeeeee-ewt!
10:00 Hold 'Er Down While I Get the Rifle From the Truck

We Interupt this program to bring you a special announcement from the Useless Men: 

Black and White TV

(Under age 40? You won’t understand.) You could hardly see for all the snow, Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go. Pull a chair up to the TV set, “Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet.” Depending on the channel you tuned, You got Andy and Opie - or Ward and June. It felt so good. It felt so right. Life looked better in black and white.

I Love Lucy, The Real McCoy’s, Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver boys, Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train, Superman, Jimmy and Lois Lane. Father Knows Best, Patty Duke, Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too, Donna Reed on Thursday night! — Life looked better in black and white.

I wanna go back to black and white. Everything always turned out right. Simple people, simple lives… Good guys always won the fights. Now nothing is the way it seems, In living color on the TV screen. Too many murders, too many fights, I wanna go back to black and white.

In God they trusted, alone in bed, they slept, A promise made was a promise kept. They never cussed or broke their vows.

They’d never make the network now. But if I could, I’d rather be In a TV town in ‘53. It felt so good. It felt so right. Life looked better in black and white.

I’d trade all the channels on the satellite, If I could just turn back the clock tonight To when everybody knew wrong from right. Life was better in black and white!
(PS by Miss C) It was great, but only if you were white.

We now conclude our broadcast day.

Lots more TV sign-offs at Metafilter.

Thought for today: Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we've got television. -Archie Bunker

humor links video funny games television sitcoms series TV

There was a time when the word “magician” was not allowed in this home. See, I dated my husband when I was in high school (he was older). I got a job at a tourist-trap-type-place where entertainers from other states worked during the summer. The breakup with my boyfriend came because of a magician who “enchanted” me. That was history, and I eventually married my high school sweetheart. But he did NOT want to see me palming cards or playing finger games with coins. To this day I can figure out how a magician does a trick, but I also bite my tongue before admitting it.

There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence. -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII

Steve Martin as the Great Flydini.

Daniel Chesterfield, World’s Greatest Magician.

Mimes band together for the Million Mime March (motto: A million silent voices can say a lot). Also see the Adopt A Mime page!

Amazing Ventriloquist Kevin Johnson (via Arbroath) Here’s another routine.

Tom Riddler’s Magic Diary. Type in your question and get an immediate (and eerie) answer!

This magician is for the birds.

Everyone loves Magical Trevor!

Read your own Tarot with The Housewives Tarot. Also includes recipes! (Thanks, Bill!)

The World’s Most Dangerous Comic.

Magic Card Trick!

Magic Card Trick for idiots.

Magic Card Trick for complete idiots.

How to levitate a screw.

Is it a magic show or a strip tease? Both! Ursula Martinez obviously has nothing up her sleeve. NSFW.

THE MAGICIAN

A magician was on stage doing his act, when he called for a volunteer from the audience. A man volunteered & went up on stage. The magician told him to pick up the 16 lb. sledgehammer that was on stage next to a cement block & break the block apart with the sledgehammer, so the audience would know the sledgehammer was real.

So, the man swung the sledgehammer with all his might & shattered the cement block. The magician now told the man to hit him square in the face with the sledgehammer. Horrified, the man said, "No way. It'll probably kill you".

The magician insisted that the man hit him in the face, saying, "I'll be fine...I promise you...go ahead."

"Well,", the man replied, "OK here goes."

Again, the man swung the sledgehammer and aimed it at the magicians face.  The result was very bloody. The magicians nose was crushed, teeth fell out, blood everywhere. After 6 months in a coma in the hospital, the magician was lying in the hospital bed. One eye opened, the fingers flexed a bit, the other eye opened, and the magician sat straight up and said, "Ta-da!"

Criss Angel scares some folks in the park.

THE CRUISE SHIP

After much competition,a very talented  magician had just obtained a job performing on a luxury cruise ship. Each night his pet parrot interrupted and spoiled his  performance by saying "It's up his sleeve", "It's in his pocket" "It's in his shoe", etc, etc.

One night while performing the act, the ship's boiler blew up and the ship sank. The fortunate magician was able to grab onto one of the ship's planks, and along with his parrot, floated on the sea. The first few days that the wood drifted, the parrot just stared at the magician looking puzzled. On the 4th day the bewildered parrot looked at his master and said "I give up, what did you do with the ship?"

THE JUGGLER

(lifted from Wulfweard)
A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.

"What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act," answers the man.

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

 
Previously on Miss Cellania: Illusions

 
Thought for today: More persons, on the whole, are humbugged by believing in nothing, than by believing too much.  -P.T. Barnum

humor jokes video funny magic magician illusionist juggler Save To Del.icio.us

Last weekend in Cincinnati, we took in a riverboat cruise with dinner and dancing. Princess and a passel of her nine-year old friends took over the dance floor and learned the Macarena, the YMCA, and other dances from one of the riverboat stewards. You bet I took plenty of photos, but I won’t post them here since I don’t have permission from all the other parents. Not going to ask, either, since they would most likely be shocked at some of the contents of this site. But Some of the mothers joined in for one dance. That didn’t last long. Princess whispered in my ear that I was embarassing her. Me? Embarassing? Surely not! Just because I have two left feet and know how to use them? Just because I look like one of the hippos from Fantasia on the dance floor? Anyway, the other mothers were also banished from the dance floor one by one. The fathers didn’t even make an attempt to dance, since they were busy with cameras anyway. So now I’m an embarassment, huh? Just wait til Princess starts bringing boys home, I’ll show HER what embarassing really IS! Meanwhile, I’ve found some example of folks whose dancing will make you laugh, and maybe even make ME look better on the dance floor.

Here’s a guy who can dance his socks off, doing some of the silly dances we’ve encountered over the years in The Evolution of Dance (Thanks, April!)
Followed by not-so-great dance moves.

If you can’t dance at all, you can still choreograph these folks at the Pepto-Bismol Dance Machine.

How NOT to breakdance. You may break something.

This guy managed to do it, too!

Have you ever tried the video game Dance Dance Revolution? Its HARD! Really DIFFICULT, especially for those over 30.
But take a look at this one-legged man who is all over DDR!

You heard the phrase “Dance like nobody is watching”? How about “Dance like you don’t know your brother is videotaping you in your bedroom”!

The Ballet Dancing Guy.

A strip tease dance from the 1920’s, back when there was more tease than strip. Oh, and its REALLY funny!

THE DANCING DUCK

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

BELLY DANCING

Q: What do you call a belly dancer with a sword?

A: A veiled threat.

Q: How many belly dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to do it and four to stand around saying, "I can do that... better.

Q: What kind of crowds do belly dancers hang out in?
A: Hip circles!

Q: What do belly dancers do on their nights off?
A: Go out dancing sheik to sheik!

Q: How are belly dancers and plastic surgeons alike?
A: They both tuck and lift!

Q: What is the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?
A: One shakes body parts, and the other bakes shoddy tarts!

Q: Why did the belly dancer cross the road?
A: She heard there were costumes on the other side.

Q: What kind of closures do belly dancers use to hold their costumes together?
A: Belly buttons!

Q: How can you tell when a group of belly dancers is amused?
A: By the belly laughs!

Q: Where can you go to learn how to belly dance?
A: To a navel academy.

Thought for today: Life’s a Dance, you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Don’t worry about what you don’t know
Life’s a dance, you learn as you go.

humor jokes video funny games dance dancer dancing Save To Del.icio.us

I have one internet group that occasionally breaks out into a quote competition. Who can send back the most lines from a particular movie or TV show? More often than not, its something by Monty Python. We are all of an age where we enjoyed the BBC show, mostly in reruns, some of us while high. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean? Those memories get embedded and won’t ever leave our little brains. Thats why MY BRAIN HURTS!

And now for something completely different:

Always look on the Bright Side of Life. This video features football, or soccer if you may.

Learn to defend yourself against fresh fruit! With script. (Thanks, Carl!)

Spamalot, now playing on Broadway!

My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Which Monty Python Cast Member Are You?, is John Cleese

Scenes from The Holy Grail rendered in Legos. Also, remember the skit How Not To Be Seen? Here it is in Legos. (via Mamacita)

Just what IS the airspeed of an unladen swallow?

Silly Walks Generator.

Camelot (from the Holy Grail)


King George’s Flying Circus.

Monkey Primate and the Oily Grail. With apologies to Monty Python.

Fans, buy your Monthy Python toys here! The Black Knight (at right) is a perfect gift for the most twisted child on your list. (via the Presurfer)

You’ll find more classic Python routines here.

Dead parrot sketch.

The Lumberjack Song


Keep up with the activities of the Pythons with Monty Python’s Completely Useless Website.

You should have The Spam Song going through your head as you read and relive the following sktech.

SPAM!

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings wearing horned helmets. Whenever the word "spam" is repeated, they begin singing and/or chanting. A man and his wife enter. The man is played by Eric Idle, the wife is played by Graham Chapman (in drag), and the waitress is played by Terry Jones, also in drag.
Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

Now you can join the Spam Club.

If you want to know anything else about Monty Python’s Flying Circus, go to this website.

Thought for today: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

humor jokes video funny Monty Python Flying Circus BBC John Cleese Eric Idle Terry Gilliam Terry Jones Michael Palin Graham Chapman

Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls of all ages! Step right up and see the most amazing acts of all time at the circus! Boy, those words sure made you excited when you were a kid, right? Things are a bit different now. I’ve taken the kids to a few circuses in the last few years, and mainly they’ve been sad. Sure, they have elephants, but nowadays you can ride an elephant at a petting zoo. The best acts are on TV. People who used to be in side shows don’t look any weirder than a modern audience. But the fantasy of the old-time circus is still there. And if you can get to a metropolitan area, you can see the new-style animal-free Cirque de Soliel (or see it on TV). Hoss got to see it recently!

The history of the circus in America.

Bob Hope once wrote a monologue on the circus.

The Flying Trapeze Resource Page. In case you want to buy one, or take lessons, or look for a job.

Giants.

Blog of the day: Human Marvels.

TWO CANNIBALS WERE EATING A CLOWN, WHEN ONE TURNS TO THE OTHER AND SAYS: "DOES THIS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU?"

The Evil Clown Generator.

Top 18 Signs you’ve hired the wrong clown for your child’s party.

The International Clown Museum.

The Top Five Bad Clowns. 

Buy your clown shoes online at Jollywalkers.

THE DUCK

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the bartender.
"I see your ears are working," says the duck. "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" The bartender brings the sandwich and beer. "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for two weeks.
Then one day, the circus comes to town. The owner of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender says to him, "You own the circus? Listen, I know this duck that would be brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous," says the circus owner, "get him to give me a call." So, the next day when the duck comes into the pub, the bartender says, "Hey, Mr. Duck, I've got it all set. I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck. "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus," says the bartender.
"The circus?" the duck inquires.
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the bartender.
The duck looks confused, "What in the hell would they want with a plasterer?"

THE AUDITION

 

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a man in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde woman about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm going to be honest with you, this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out  first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She ignores the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant  and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life."  He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"

The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."

Another circus joke.

Thought for today: To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.  -Jack Handey

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