Old Man McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."

How to drink a flaming shot without becoming a human torch. Go here to witness several wrong ways to do it.

After a couple of drinks, this starts to sound like a pretty good deal! (via Bits and Pieces)

 

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the bar to your home.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter.

The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.

Read more about the beer scooter. (Thanks, Hunter!)

 

See a beer scooter in action.

(via Phil’s Phun)

Cracked did some depressing research for Nectar of the Broke: The World's 5 Worst Ways To Get Drunk. I was familiar with "pruno", or jailhouse wine (by research, not by personal experience) and some of the off-the-shelf alcohol substitutes, but the list gets worse. This list might turn you off alcohol forever. I said “might”.

89%DRUNKARD

I guess I did rather well. How about you? Leave your score in the comments.

alcohol quiz

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 They are counting on you to drink a bit before you read the label. Found at Danwei. (Thanks, PAgent!)

When I get ready for bed, I may be so tired I don’t bother straightening up the bed. I may leave my clothes on the floor. I might even skip feeding the cats (which is a mistake), but I never go to bed without loading the coffee machine for morning. I have a lovely coffee dispenser, the kind that only takes one hand to fill a cup. It doesn’t have a timer, so I reach over and turn it on before I get out of bed -sometimes even before I turn the alarm off! This coffee maker doesn’t have a carafe, so I fill a detachable bucket with water to prepare it. This bucket will not fit in my bathroom sink, so instead of taking it all the way to the kitchen to fill (remember, its late and I’m tired), I fill it in the shower. Yeah, I have to lift it over my head to get it near the faucet. It’s kinda weird, but the routine is the same every night so I don’t have to think too hard about it.

What, you keep your coffeemaker in the kitchen? That’s strange.



Steaming Cup of Coffee (Thanks, Jan!)

The Sad, Lonely Life of a Mom's Coffee Cup.

9 Must See Sites For Coffee Addicts. (via Interesting Pile)

How to get optimally wired from your caffeine. It’s good to know that my drug of choice comes with such scientifically explicit instructions.

Waiter! There’s a solar system in my cup!

Coffeenatic, social networking for coffee lovers. I am not making this up. And it's not the only one, there's also Barista Exchange, social networking for coffee professionals and fans, and Barista Connection for the specialty coffee industry.

How to defend your coffee habit. Of all the things you could be addicted to, coffee is one you can really argue for.

SERVICE

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV-'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

Oldelaf et Mr D - Le Café (via Everlasting Blort)

I would I could understand French. This would probably be even better if I did!

THERMOS

A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.

She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.

The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two black, two with cream.”

Previously at Miss Cellania: Coffee, Coffee Break, Coffee and Chocolate, and Chocolate and Coffee.

Thought for today: I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.  ~Flash Rosenberg

humor jokes video funny coffee caffeine espresso java

Most of us have a few drinking stories in our past. Sometimes they are hard to recall the day after, but they come back to us little by little, either in our memories or in stories told by witnesses. It can be pretty embarrassing to hear your own adventures for the first time through the eyes of someone else. But we get over the shock and memorize the stories, even if we never gain any firsthand memories. We brag on them to some and hide them from others. Then when we have children, and we pretend they didn’t happen. Later, when the kids are grown, we try desperately to remember them well enough to tell them. Or we just try to relive the memories without the hangovers. You know the rule, everything in moderation. But moderation is often the first thing to go, after just one or two drinks.   



The Alcohol Philosophy Song

5 Drinking Stories That Put Yours To Shame.

The Drunkest Generation: 10 Reasons Your Grandpa Could Drink You Under the Table. Of course, they’re not referring to your grandpa, but the culture that made it seem like he could’ve. It’s a look back at the days when drunkenness was considered not only socially acceptable, but even entertaining!

Beer is good.

The epic story of how vodka became vodak at Fark. With pictures.

Liquor Store Archaeology. A scavenger hunt of sorts for the strangest drinks turns up peanut-flavored liqueur, Armenian brandy, and and even rarer finds.

Alcohol Horoscopes.

BARTENDER

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."

LATE

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."

SHOTS

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.

"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.

"6 shots? Are you celebrating something?"

“Yeah, my first blowjob."

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."

"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

Party in the Stomach (via Man Law)

Previously at Miss Cellania: Lots more posts on Drinking.

Thought for today: Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough. -Mark Twain

humor jokes video funny drink alcohol booze cocktails highball bartender

It’s Friday, alrighty! Next weekend is a holiday, then it will be Christmas season. That means parties, feasts, gifts, and hangovers. There will be lots of spiked eggnog, hard cider, hot buttered rums, rattlesnakes, champagne, mulled wine, and hot toddies. And after a few of those, you can start some serious drinking. So you might as well brush up on some one-liners, trivia, humor, and icebreakers you can use for mingling at the office party. Glad I could help.  



The Miracle Beer Diet

How to make moonshine.

Why is making moonshine still illegal? (via (via Grow-A-Brain)

Study in rats suggests long-term, moderate consumption of alcohol improves recall of both visual and emotional stimuli.

Red devil and blue devil cocktails. Yum!

The Top Ten Drinking Quotes. (via Grow-A-Brain)

15 more uses for vodka. In case you need to rationalize buying so much of it.

Ever wonder what it would be like to drink in the great watering holes of yore? Well, pack your flask and climb aboard the MDM time machine — your guide Richard English is taking you on a whirlwind tour of the hottest of history’s hot spots. (via the Presurfer)

THE LETTER

(Thanks, Gary!)
Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.

As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings).

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls and text messages: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. Bu t, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan

Previously at Miss Cellania: Lots more on Drink.

Thought for today: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. -Ben Franklin

humor jokes video funny drink alcohol booze cocktails highball bartender

Would you care for a cup of coffeee? Thanks, I don’t mind if I do. What would I do without my coffee? I’d hate to have to drink something all day long that has calories; I sure don’t need that! And without the caffeine, I probably wouldn’t make it through those long nights when I am way behind on deadlines and the kids are finally asleep. Oh, I might be able to stay awake, but I wouldn’t be alert enough to get anything substantial done! Besides, I relish the flavor, the aroma, the warmth... y’all read about it a while, and I’ll go get another cup.



The Language of Coffee.

A coffee (or tea) mug with a color guide on the inside to make mixing easier.

Coffee Drinks Illustrated. This will help you understand some of that Italian lingo only used at coffee shops.

How to quit drinking caffeine.

How to Drink Great Coffee for a Fraction of What You're Paying Now.

Caffeine Facts.

Cornwall College is offering a major in coffee-making.

For Monty, the magic has gone out of her relationship with her coffee.

How to give up coffee and caffeine altogether. (via the Presurfer)

In honor of his 5th anniversary,  J-Walk designed a new coffee cup, with the names of his regular commenters on it! Yeah, I’m in there.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir," came the reply, "it's fresh ground."

VENDING MACHINE

A man walked up to a vending machine, put in a coin, and pressed the button labeled, "Coffee, double cream, sugar." No cup appeared. Then two nozzles went into action, one sending forth coffee, the other, cream. After the proper amounts had gone down the drain where the cup should have been, the machine turned off. "Now that's real automation," the man exclaimed. "This thing even drinks it for you!"

ICE

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, the clerk came to the window looking frustrated, and announced, "I'm having a problem. The ice keeps melting."

GENDER ROLES

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

Previously at Miss Cellania: Coffee, Coffee and Chocolate, and Chocolate and Coffee.

Thought for today:  Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. -Stephanie Piro

humor jokes video funny games coffee caffeine espresso

At one time in my life, I kept a rather well-stocked bar in my apartment (in a state where that was legal) and prided myself on mixing a nice cocktail. If you keep a half-dozen basic kinds of alcohol around, and a couple of flavors of soda pop, you are in business. I had 10-12 kinds of booze, sour mix, coconut milk, fresh fruit, tonic, and several kinds of soda. Over time I realized that everyone I knew just wanted a beer, and they’d just as soon get it at the local watering hole, where there were pinball games. Oh well. It was tasty while it lasted. Now I keep only my favorite Southern Comfort handy. I haven’t had a drink in months, but I will if I ever get caught up on work!

 
Whiskey Ad (who’s intimidating now?)

Viagra cocktails.

A gadget you wish was real. The Drunk Caddy.

Drunk-O-Vision.

Classic recipes for Hawaiian cocktails. (via All Night Surfing)

The Ten Greatest Alcohol Icons of All Time.

Drinks to avoid like the plague.

Carl Mertens Wine comes with its own thermometer to indicate whether the wine is at the proper temperature for serving! And after the wine is gone, it makes a cool bracelet.

MappyHour uses Google Maps technology to show you where the half-price drinks are. (via Boing Boing)

Drunk Monkeys.

Sweden has found another way to recycle. Almost all alcoholic drinks smuggled into Sweden illegally that the government seizes are now turned into biogas to run public vehicles. Last year 700,000 liters (184,000 US gallons or 154,000 UK gallons) were converted to biogas for buses, trucks, and one train. (via Arbroath)

Countries with the highest alcohol consumption.

The 2007 Wino Sign Awards from Drunkard Magazine. (Thanks, Jan!

From Comics with Problems, here’s Captain Al Cohol.

THE WIFE

An unhappy wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

Another drunken night

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

DRINKS OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM

(via It Occurred to Me)
Absolute Zero = Absolut vodka over frozen nitrogen
Alexander the Grrreat = Gin, creme de cacao, and sweet cream over corn flakes
American in Paris = Kentucky bourbon and champagne
Black Sabbath = Kahlua and Mogen David wine
Blind Faith = Wood alcohol and sacramental wine
Blood Clot = Vodka, tomato juice, and Jell-O
Bloody Awful = Vodka and ketchup
Blue Moon = Corn whiskey and Aqua Velva
Brown Bowl = Vodka and Prune Juice
Coleman Cooler = White wine, soda, fried chicken crumbs, and sand
Fuzzy Naval Base = Peach schnapps, orange juice, and ammonia
George Bush = George Dickel bourbon and Busch beer
Gorbachev = Vodka with a splash of port wine
Honeydew the Dishes = Midori and Dawn
Marie Antoinette = Bourbon, cake mix, and flat beer
Martinizer = Gin, vermouth, and carbon tetrachloride
Mary Poppins = Vodka, tomato juice, and a spoonful of sugar
Mexican Hairless = Tequila and Minoxidil
Oil of Ole = Mazola and Sangria
Peter, Paul, and Mary = Potassium nitrate, Paul Masson wine, and tomato juice
Phillips' Screwdriver = Vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia
Port in a Storm = Red wine and rainwater
Quack Doctor = Cold duck and Dr. Pepper
A Rum with a View = Bacardi and Visine
Rum-Pole of the Bailey = Bacardi rum, Popov vodka, and Bailey's Irish Cream
Sake-to-me = Rice wine, punch, and nitrous oxide
Scotch Tapeworm = Dewar's and Mescal
Shipwreck = Cutty Sark on the rocks
Short Wave = Ripple in a shot glass, ginger, syrup, and pomegranate
Sinead O'Connor = Irish whiskey and Nair
Skid Roe = Muscatel and caviar
Sour Kraut = Schnapps and lemon juice
Sundae Driver = Vodka, orange juice, and ice cream
Tequila Mockingbird = Jose Cuervo and birdseed

Cocktails for Two

Thought for today: There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others.  -William Faulkner

humor jokes video funny drink alcohol booze cocktails highball bartender

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The three-year-old beer I referred to in an earlier post has gone into the great big composting bin for my garden. I’m sure the vermin who live there were very happy. It confused the neighbor’s dogs, who couldn’t find the source of that awful smell after the liquid settled in amongst the tons of grass clippings. Thanks for all the suggestions, and apologies to those who mourned the wastefulness. I hope you enjoy today’s beer funnies.



Beer Ad you won’t see on TV (via Bits and Pieces)

Beers around the world.

Beer gelatin for dessert.

A Guide to Beer for Non-Beer Drinkers. (via Look at This)

J-Walk is vacationing in Finland, where he found another use for beer. 

The Beer Song -Lego Version (via YesButNoButYes)

Lords of the Drunk Sleeping Beauties.

When the weather is hot, can a combination popsicle and beer be the perfect treat? The chef at Rustico’s in Washington DC is selling “hopsicles”, frozen beer on a stick. (via Puppies and Flowers)

Game: Betty’s Beer Bar. Gotta keep those customers satisfied!

Dinsdale says Have a Beer! (via Mookie)

 

THE LABORATORY

Two elderly gentlemen spend their afternoons sitting on a bench in front of a barber shop arguing about current affairs, debating political issues and discussing life in general. Among their favorite arguments concerns which of the local brands of beer is the best. The one gentleman has his favorite, while the other gentleman favors a different brand.

After several years of listening to this argument, the barber in front of whose shop the two gentlemen sit says, "There is a way you can resvolve this dispute once and for all. Why don't you send samples of each brand of beer off to one of those new-fangled laboratories where they can test them and determine which is actually the better quality of the two."

The gentlemen find this suggestion appealing, and so they walk across the street to their favorite saloon and ask the bartender to scrounge up two jars, fill them with the respective brands of beer, and package them up for delivery to the laboratory.

After a few months, an envelope arrives at the local post office. Eager to read the test results, the two gentlemen scury over to their favorite bench in front of the barber shop and open the envelope. Inside is a letter which reads, "Gentlemen -- Thank you for submitting the two specimens. We are happy to report that both performed very well under testing. In fact, it is our conclusion that both horses are in the best of health."

TOO MUCH BEER

(via It Occurred to Me)
A guy walks over to a gorgeous chick sitting at a barstool and says, "I want to play with your ta-tas all night."

Shocked, the woman says, "Oh my god, do you see that huge guy over there? He's my boyfriend and he'll kick your ass!"

The man replies, "I still want to play with your ta-tas all night, and fill your scamper with beer and drink it."

Disgusted, the woman walks over to her boyfriend and tells him what's going on. "That man over there says he wants to play with my ta-tas all night."

The boyfriend stands up pissed off and rolls up his sleeves.

She then says, "He also said he wants to fill my scamper up with beer and drink out of it."

The boyfriend rolls down his sleeves, sits down and continues drinking.

"What are you doing, aren't you going to kick his ass?"

The boyfriend smugly replies, "I ain't gonna mess with a guy that can drink that much beer."

Mini-Beer Keg Stand (Can it be done solo?)

Previously at Miss Cellania: Beer, Beer Break, and Beer Technique.

Thought for today: To some its a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.

humor jokes video funny games beer brew lager keg alcohol

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Two great tastes that taste great together! I think that was originally something to do with peanut butter, possibly a Reece’s ad. But chocolate and coffee are the bomb. You’ve got the sweet and the bitter, both cleansing the palate for the next taste of the other. You’ve got caffeine to boost your system, and phenylethylamine to put a smile on your face. Chocolate will make you live longer and love better. Coffee has its health benefits, too. You’ve got a pot brewing right now, and a stash of Special Dark in the bottom desk drawer that the kids haven’t found yet. Life is good.

Instant Laser Coffee. I don’t know how safe this is, but it looks cool!

More good news: Coffee contains a good amount of dietary fiber! (Thanks, Ed!)

Even vegans can enjoy the benefits of chocolate!

The Java Wand filters your coffee while you sip! Handy if you just want to make one cup of coffee in a hurry, but still, sipping hot drinks through a straw is not the safest way to go, especially if you are in a hurry! (via the AV Club)

Hale McKay has a conversation with his coffee.

Mister Slippy wrote a coffee poem.

Coffee Addiction Quiz. (via Exploding Aardvark)

I was surprised my score was so low. But then again, I don't grind my own beans, and I'm not too picky about brand names, so that may explain it.

Chocolate shot glasses. (via Grow-A-Brain)

Starbucking. This guy wants to visit every Starbucks in the world, and made a movie about it. They build them faster than he can visit!

A Starbucks Barista really really hates her job. Or maybe just hates people. Anyway, this post sparked a lot of comments. And I certainly didn’t know there was a Starbucks Gossip blog! (via On the Other Foot)

THE NEW JOB

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know whom you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee..

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back "And do you know whom YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God....!!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

Chocolate Ice Cream

A man approaches an ice cream van and asks, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please."

The girl behind the counter replied, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come this morning. We're out of chocolate."

"In that case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream."

"You don't understand, sir," the girl says. "We have no chocolate."

"Then just give me some chocolate," he insists.

Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, "Sir, will you spell 'van,' as in 'vanilla?'"

The man spells, "V A N."

"Now spell 'straw,' as in 'strawberry.'"

"OK. S-T-R-A-W."

"Now," the girl asked, "spell 'stink,' as in chocolate."

The man hesitates, then confused, replied, "There is no stink in chocolate."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she screams.

SEX AND COFFEE

A women visited her doctor to ask his help in reviving her husband’s sex drive. "What about Viagra?" asks the Dr.

"Oh, I couldn't do that!" she said. "He won't even take aspirin!"

"Not a problem," said the doctor, "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week!”

It wasn't even a week later that she called the doctor. The poor lady exclaimed, "Oh my, Doc! It was just terrible!"

"Really? What happened?"

"Well, I did like you said and slipped it into his coffee. The effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and his pants bulging something fierce! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the coffee cups flying, ripped my clothes to tatters and then, he took me right then and there! Making wild mad passionate love to me on the table! It was terrible!"

"Why so terrible?” asked the doctor, “Do you mean it was not good?"

“No, no, Doc! It was great! But oh my, I'll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again!”

Yum.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Chocolate, Coffee, and Coffee and Chocolate.

Thought for today: I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.  ~Flash Rosenberg

humor jokes video funny games coffee java chocolate cocoa caffeine

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