1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.

2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was

3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he wa)

5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

 

18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

 

Text with links found at Christian Answers. Although newer translations are considered to be closer to the original, I prefer the majestic poetry of the King James Version for the Christmas story.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Good Tidings of Great Joy

Thought for today: ...and on earth, peace, good will toward men.

This post originally appeared on December 25th, 2005. 

Luke 2 Jesus Christmas Bethlehem

 

It’s Christmas Eve. The gifts have all been purchased and wrapped, the house is relatively clean (enough for Santa Claus), and we have enough food for a casual Christmas dinner. The kids and I will take a few gifts out to friends today. Tonight, we’ll attend a candlelight service and drive around to look at the house lights. I’ll probably watch It's A Wonderful Life, and maybe I’ll even get the kids interested this year (but I won’t count on it). Getting them to sleep tonight will be a chore as it always is. I hope you are enjoying a relaxing holiday with family and friends. For a whole slew of Christmas videos, links, and full-length films, check the Christmas posts at Miss C Recommends. Here, I’ve got just a few lighthearted links and a great story for you today. Merry Christmas, everyone!

The Night Before Christmas

It’s an Edison film from 1905! Here's the IMDb link. (Thanks, Wilford!)

Make a Christmas ecard with a personalized animated message on your Christmas tree! (via Dump Trumpet)

Peter’s Holiday Poem for his Blogging Friends.

Ashland University always has beautiful interactive Christmas ecards.

Auggie Wren's Christmas Story. I certainly enjoyed this one. (via Metafilter)

The computers at Whole Foods in West Hartford, Connecticut went down during a snowstorm with plenty of customers waiting in line. What did they do? They gave the food away free.

A modern-day Good Samaritan.

THE POLAR EXPRESS

Mangesh Hattikudur, co-founder of mental_floss magazine (and blog), included this story in the mental_floss newsletter a couple of weeks ago. 

I figured I’d share a little story that reminds me of why I love the holidays. Last year around this time, my 4-year old niece was going through chemo for leukemia. She was having a rough time. She’d lost her hair, and while she was all smiles, she was too weak and sick to go to school, and didn’t have much interaction with other kids. Plus, like other children in the same condition, she was asked not to travel. But here’s the sweet part: a group of retired pilots arranged this big Christmas party at a New York airport, where all these young kids with leukemia were invited and told that they were finally going to go on a trip. So the kids were giddy. They and their parents were all given tickets, and herded onto a plane. Then the shutters were closed and the aircraft just taxied around while the kids sang carols and drank punch. And when they finally pulled up to a different terminal, which was decorated in snowflakes and candy canes, and filled with Christmas trees, the kids were told they’d arrived at the North Pole. When the party was over, they hopped on another plane and traveled back to New York.

I saw my niece a week later and she couldn’t stop chattering about her trip to the Arctic. Seeing Mrs. Claus, shaking hands with elves, and armed with the evidence of having been on a real live moving plane, she knew she’d traveled to Santa’s abode. And I know it made her miserable year so much better. I love the idea that something so small- driving an aircraft from one side of a runway to the other, was dreamed up into something so much more magical. I’d love to thank those pilots for organizing such a wonderful event, and bringing so many smiles to so many sick kids. I guess it just renews my faith in people when I hear that men and women are spending their spare time dreaming up events like these, and I hope you’re witnessing similar acts of goodness in your part of the globe.

You can read another account of a fantasy flight to the North Pole. And another. They do it in San Jose, California, also. And in Cleveland. The Navy is involved, too -see a video here. And here is a slideshow of images from one such flight.

You can sign up for the mental_floss newsletter at the site, and get a subscription to the magazine here.

I’ll Be Home for Christmas

Previously at Miss Cellania: It's A Wonderful Life, Christmas Treats, and Christmas at War.

Thought for today: I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.  ~Charles Dickens

humor jokes video funny Christmas holiday peace joy blessing

I had so many Christmas fun links that I had to split them somewhere. So I put the ones children as well as adults may enjoy here, though parents may want to preview them first. Some can be annoying! My kids have had quite a bit of fun with these, which interferes with their homework AND my internet time. While they are online, I have to resort to (shudder) housework! OH THE HORROR!

Ahem. Back to to Christmas. At left is my older daughter in her elf costume for the Christmas play a couple weeks ago. She was so excited to have a speaking part! Among her other lines, she called Santa Claus an �old Geezer�. Chip off the old block, she is. My other daughter has spent the last couple of weeks using up all my gift wrap, scotch tape, and boxes to wrap things I already own so she can give them to me on Christmas. When she runs out of tape, she goes back to all the virtual snowman sites I had here a few days ago.

Virtual Christmas snowglobe you can shake!

Christmas carol generator. Select a song, or construct your own and send it to friends. My daughter (the Star Wars nerd) picked out this song.

Christmas jigsaw puzzle. Not as difficult as it looks.

Musical Christmas postcards you can send to your friends.

This Christmas ecard is beautiful. Clicking one of the animations will lead you from page to page, just be sure to give it some load time.

Everything you didn't know about the TV special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Fascinating reading!

This is called Grow Ornament. I don't understand it, but its cute. I should ask my kids what to do with it.

Young children might enjoy decorating a gingerbread house online. (via Geek Like Me)

Watch the folks at Walt Disney World construct a giant gingerbread house! Three days of work are compressed into 30 seconds for this video.

Christmas Zoom.

Don't forget to follow Santa's takeoff and trajectory at NORAD Tracks Santa. The downloads page has a lot of fun stuff! Send your last-minute email to Santa throught the North Pole website. For a fast response, try this site. (Thanks, Wendy!)

This story of a little dog who wants a home for Christmas came in too late for the Dog' Christmas post, but it will fit here just fine.

You know how some people sing the wrong words to Christmas carols? Thats called a mondegreen. Here's a list of the funniest ones.

CHRISTMAS MONDEGREENS

A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols. She probably got fired for mentioning Christmas in school. Anyway here are some of the humorous lines she received:

Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly

We three kings of porridge and tar

On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me

Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

He's makin a list, chicken and rice.

Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.

With the jelly toast proclaim

Olive, the other reindeer. (all of the other reindeer)

Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

Sleep in heavenly peas

In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown

You'll go down in listerine

Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

O come, froggy faithful

You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"

Previously at Miss Cellania: Christmas for Kids and Christmas Critters

Thought for Today: There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. -Erma Bombeck

The original version of this post first appeared on December 23rd, 2005.

humor links Christmas funny games children

My extended family exchanged Christmas gifts last night. It makes things rather handy when you can get rid of some gifts under the tree before you finish all your Christmas shopping -it kinda disguises some of the excesses of the season. My brother and his wife gave me something wonderful, a sewing box with a combination lock! Actually a toolbox with sewing accessories, since anything labeled “sewing box” is never big enough. Yep, now I will be able to hang on to my scissors and measuring tape for more than a couple of hours.. or at least until the kids crack the combination. Meanwhile, I managed to come home with a supply of cookies, candies, and cakes. I am going to have plenty of treats to share with anyone who comes by without ever baking this year!



The Secret Life of Santa -Not for Children (via Everlasting Blort)

How many days til Christmas?

Kiplinger’s Guide to Holiday Tipping.

Find out when your favorite Christmas movies are on TV at Christmas Crackers.

This kid had an unusual request for Santa, but he came through!

Here’s a little Christmas greeting from me to you. You can make your own at Gnome Yourself, from the folks at The Office. Or of you are looking for something much ruder, try this. (via YesButNoButYes.)

Stormtroopers Arrest Santa!

Holiday Hacks: 12 Radical (and Slightly Naughty) Ways to Stay Productive. Who in their right mind would want to stay productive during the holiday season?

The Five Best TV Commercials of the 2007 Christmas Season. The Oxfam Unwrapped spot is my favorite, for the aww factor.

A roundup of the people who’ve been beating up Santa this year. Yeah, there’s that many.

The real reason for the shortage of Wiis.

Handbell Hero challenges you to play holiday songs on your heyboard with your left hand. Since I’ve never played Guitar Hero, this reminds me of Dance Dance Revolution. If you play well, you get smiling faces. If you don’t, you get frowns, criticism, and your snowman keels over. Hint: start with Jingle Bells, it’s the easiest. (via Metafilter)

The Tale of the Fourteen Christmas Ringers. Besides the tale, there is a music generator that’s even more challenging than Handbell Hero.

Make your own marshmallows! These, combined with homemade hot chocolate mix, make a thoughtful yet inexpensive Christmas gift for someone who doesn’t need any more doodads. (via Unique Daily)

Pull the virtual lever and generate a random but festive holiday message at Holiday-O-Matic. My first one said “May your New Year be relaxing and filled with turducken.” Then you can send your greeting to friends via email. For each message sent, a donation is made to Rotary First Harvest, an organization that connects farmers and food banks. (via The Presurfer)

Tacky Christmas Yards collects and critiques photographs of homes decorated with Christmas lights. “Violations” include mixing themes, lawn characters of different sizes, unharmonious arrangements, multiple Clauses, and overdone lighting.

Several houses in my town would put these to shame, especially the few that put Santa on the roof of the nativity stable. (via The Presurfer)

Sometimes Christmas lawn characters just don’t act they way they should.

The Lindsay Lights.

Five Christmas specials redubbed into something completely different. (some NSFW)

Christmas in Australia (via Phil’s Phun)

Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Child

10. Kid's letter to North Pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"
9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling
7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts
6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a reindeer head in his bed
5. Instead of "naughty" or "nice," Santa has him on the "dork" list
4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival cruises with Kathie Lee
3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you!"
2. Labels on all your kid's toys and clothes read "Straight from the trash
heap to you"
1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

CHRISTMAS GOLF

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf when one one of them commented on how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed - and without an argument, go directly to the golf course to meet his buddies for 18 holes. All three of his friends unanimously agree, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning!”

A few weeks later it’s Christmas morning - and there all are standing next to each other on the first tee box. One friend exclaims “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I had to buy my wife such a huge diamond ring, she can’t even take her eyes off it.” Another friend says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.” The third friend replies “Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car… reading the manual.” Silence from the fourth guy…

The other three friends in the group look puzzled, while the final guy in the foursome is staring at them like they must have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such and expense for a round of golf. I just woke up, slapped her on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! Golf or sex, what’s it gonna be?” and she said “Take a sweater.”

An Advertising Parable for the Holidays (via YesButNoButYes)

Previously at Miss Cellania: Christmas Links Volume One, Christmas Links Volume Two, Christmas Links Volume Three,  Redneck Christmas, Christmas Decorations, and Sci-Fi Christmas.

Thought for today: Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.  ~P.J. O'Rourke

humor jokes video funny Christmas

OK, I could’ve done the direct thing and titled this post Christmas Sex, but somehow that just didn’t seem right this close to Christmas. Can I help it if the links just happen to come that way? Hmm, I didn’t mean that like it sounded... 

 

But today is the winter solstice, so we may as well proceed in the spirit of the ancient saturnalia. Love and sex are both expressions of celebration, and have been since before recorded history. And probably will be for as long as there are men and women.

Dear Santa (Bring Me A Man This Christmas)

Infidelities and Christmas music collide in I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus from Robot Chicken.

The Miraculous Immaculate Crack-Head Christmas Tree.

Fark dared to ask the question, “What do men really want for Christmas?” And the answers are pretty much what you’d expect.

Here’s a fascinating Craigslist ad by a guy who doesn’t want to be alone for Christmas. Alas, it was fake. Be sure to read at least some of the responses he received.

I know, I’ve posted this every year, but it’s too funny to pass up. The 12 STDs of Christmas.

THE RING

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

SANTA CLAUS

(via It Occurred to Me)
It's Christmas Eve and Santa arrives at this beautiful young woman's apartment. She takes one look at Santa and decides that she needs to make love to Santa.

She says “Oh Santa, won't you stay the night?"

Santa replies, “HO, HO, HO, Gotta go! Gotta Go! Gotta deliver those toys, you know."

The young woman tries to tempt Santa again by letting down her long silky hair and begs, “Oh Santa, now won't you stay?"

Santa again replies, “HO, HO, HO, Gotta go! Gotta Go! Gotta deliver those toys, you know."

The young woman tries one last time. This time she opens her house robe and reveals her beautiful body. She then asks, “Oh Santa, won't you please stay?"

Santa, now becoming aroused, replies, “Hey, Hey, Hey, Gotta Stay! Gotta Stay! Won't fit up the chimney THIS way!"

Santa's Pickup Lines

10. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

9. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

8. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!

7. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

6. I know when you`ve been bad or good--so let`s skip the small talk, sister!

5. Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink wink>

4. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that`s what the Mrs. calls it.

3. I see you when you`re sleeping--and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?

2. Screw the "nice" list--I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!

1. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

Thought for today: Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.  ~Kate L. Bosher

humor jokes video funny Christmas romance sex

There are two kinds of Christmas parties: the workplace party, and every other party. There are two kinds of office parties: those with alcohol and those without. The kind without is usually just something to endure. Mine always took place during work anyway, so I was working while partying. The kind with alcohol is risky in that you may either have to live with everyone’s memory of your behavior or look for another job. You can’t win. There is an upside... a workplace gift exchange is the perfect place to regift. Everyone does it, so don’t expect to bring home anything great. But you can regift that for your family!



The Office Christmas Party

Chris at Death by Children knows how to throw a Christmas party!

America's worst office Christmas parties, gifts, and bonuses.

What did your company give you for a Christmas bonus? Farkers answer.

Corporate Christmas Party Characters. Which are you?

Avoid Ending Your Career at the Holiday Party.

Hale McKay is still trying to live that one office Christmas party down!

How to choose gifts for holiday office parties.

How will your company ruin Christmas? Some of the responses are here.

11 Signs You're Getting Too Old to Party.

You’ll be the belle of the ball in this chocolate dress! (via Fark)

Office Holiday Memo

To     All Employees
From   Management
Subject Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1.  Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.

2.  Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)

3.  Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."

4.  Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.

5.  All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.

6.  Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

OFFICE PARTY APOLOGY

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a "dirty son of a bitch" to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office Christmas Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today and as this is my last day, I'd like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I would prefer speaking to everyone personally, but all of you seem to go deaf and dumb whenever I try to talk to you.

First, to our dear and beloved boss, I am sorry for all the things I called you Friday afternoon. I'm very much aware that your father is not a baboon, nor your mother a Chinese whore. Your wife is a delightful woman, and my story of you buying her for 50 cents in Tijuana was strictly a figment of my imagination. Your children are undoubtedly yours too. About the water cooler incident, you'll never know how badly I feel about it, and I hope you didn't hurt your head when they were trying to get the glass jug off.

To Mary, I express my deepest regrets. In my own defense, I must remind you that you seemed to enjoy our little escapade on the stairway as much as I did until the bannister broke and we fell eight feet to the second floor landing. In spite of the rupture you incurred when I landed on top of you, I am sure you will admit that when we landed it was one of the biggest thrills you have ever had.

Sam, you old cuss, you've just got to forgive me for that little prank I played on you. If I had known you were goosey, I'd have never done it. It would have been a lot worse if that fat lady hadn't been standing right under the window you jumped through. She really broke your fall a lot. People have been killed falling three stories.

Gene, I regret telling the fireman it was you who turned in the false alarm. But, of course, I had no way of knowing they would make such a bad report of it. Those fire hoses sure have a lot of pressure don't they? And the water is cold!!

Don, I know how you must feel about me. Opening the door to the broom closet suddenly must have startled you and Millie quite badly, and to think how hard you bumped your chin on the shelf when you bent over to pull up your pants, it makes me sick. We'll have to get together for dinner some night after the dentist finishes your plates.

Nancy, the only excuse I can offer for stealing all your clothes and hiding them when I found you passed out in the ladies room, is that I was drunk. Also, I want you to know I was very embarrassed when I couldn't remember where I hid them and you had to go home in that old sofa cover. Running your falsies up the flag pole was a bit too much, but like I said, I was a little drunk.

To all of you, I am sorry. Setting Jan's panties on fire seemed funny at the time, and it makes me sad to hear that her husband is divorcing her because of it.

Urinating in everyone's drink was in bad taste, and not telling them about it until all the drinks were gone was even worse.

Now that I have apologized to all of you and know that I am forgiven, I will do my darndest to come to the picnic......

AFTER THE PARTY

After the annual office party blow-out, Colin woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire senior management and insulted the Regional Director General to his face."

"He's an asshole. I should have pissed on him."

"You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" yelled Colin.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

Thought for today: There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime.  Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.  ~P.J. O'Rourke

humor jokes video funny workplace Christmas holiday office party celebration

Buying Christmas gifts for adults is difficult, because when they want something they buy it themselves, but on the other hand, they are usually happy with whatever dreck you get them. Kids will let you know what they want in excruciating detail, which leads crazed parents and grandparents to go to ridiculous lengths to fulfill their wishes. In truth, the majority of kids will be happy with toys they never even considered if they are delivered by Santa. If not, they need a attitude adjustment. Mine had better be happy, since what they are getting are things they wanted badly months ago and eventually gave up on when I said no. Yeah, they are going to be shocked. Their actual Christmas wish lists were so “reasonable”, it made me marvel once again at how they are maturing.



Rathergood Toys

Toys designed by Joel Veitch, the genius behind Viking Kittens and Supercool Winkytool. See them at Rathergood.

Why are Nintendo Wiis so hard to find? The company says they didn’t anticipate the demand, but they also predicted a Christmas shortage back in October.

How to score a Wii this Christmas.

10 Alternative Electronic Gifts (for those who can’t find a Wii).

Son's punishment proves to be profitable. He won't miss playing Guitar Hero too much, will he?

Top 15 Hard to Find Christmas Toys. Not that you’d want to....

2007 Holiday Ordering Deadlines for 120 Popular Stores. Customer service phone numbers are included in this handy chart.

Avoid the Regift! (Thanks, Shelly!)

Bad Gift Emporium is a flash site that showcases some really poor gift choices. Click on a picture for an explanation and a chance to send an ecard featuring that gift. You can also submit and rate gifts. (via Everlasting Blort)  

The most annoying toy in the world.

It’s the perfect gift for the internet freak in your family: a plush badger. Only £19.99 from Weebl’s Stuff. Buy it here, or watch a video of it here. (via b3ta)

13 Plush Toys Grownups Will Love, from STD germs to roadkill.

Dave Barry’s annual Holiday Gift Guide.

The Best Interactive Gifts for Your Pets.

Radar rounds up this year’s dumbest Christmas gifts.

Tickle-Me-Emo.

Bizarre items scanned from SkyMall’s Amercan Airlines Christmas catalog. (via Dark Roasted Blend)

Engadget’s Holiday Gift Guide for a Son. And for a daughter.

SANTA’S NAUGHTY LIST

Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.

Sarah's parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn't like it when children fight. This had little impact.

"I'll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior," the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed. Sarah's eyes grew big as her mother asked "Mrs. Claus" (really Sarah's aunt; Santa's real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line. Sarah's mouth dropped open as Mom described to Santa (Sarah's uncle) how the two-year-old was acting. But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.

Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on.

Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa's remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a long moment, Mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, "What did Santa say to you, dear?"

In almost a whisper, Sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, "Santa said he won't be bringing toys to my sister this year."

THE TRAIN

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains.

"If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?"

The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, "Another train."

THE WAGON

 It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures of the nativity set. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"

The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."

"And why did you take him?"

The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

Thought for today: Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.  We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.  ~Dave Barry

humor jokes video funny games Christmas Christmas gifts toys children holiday

If we’re going to have a big celebration for Christmas, wse want to include our animal friends, don’t we? The cats love to play with the Christmas tree, the dogs love the special food for treats, and Santa’s reindeer get all their press for the year in December. And the friendly beasts featured prominently in the birth of Jesus: the donkey that carried Mary to Bethlehem, the sheep that were being watched by the shepherds, the residents of the stable where He was born, and the camels who brought the wise men were all part of the Christmas story. In modern times, they are all part of the fun we have at Christmas, especially when we make fun of them, or see them making fun of us!

The Three Wise Camels.

The Christmas Chicken.

Christmas Cow.

A picture of Santa Cow.

When mice go caroling. A cautionary tale for Christmas.

for Christmas.

Catface celebrates Christmas.

Rudolph, and Santa’s 27 Other Reindeer.

Watch Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

All about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Skip over the first three paragraphs of advertising, and you’ll find a ton of Rudolph links.

Woody Woodruff wrote a poem explaining why Grandma got run over by a reindeer. You can sing it to the same tune.

Blitzen held hostage! A decorative reindeer was stolen from outside florist Christine Small’s shop in England. A ransom note was left demanding £56.60 for his return! A threatening phone call followed. A taxi driver returned the reindeer a few hours later, saying he had found it, but it was stolen again within minutes. Police are looking into the matter. (via Arbroath)

SANTA’S REINDEER

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.   Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

How Rudolph's nose got it's glow

by Woody Woodruff

Gene Autry sang of Rudolph
His nose so red and bright
And how he'd guide Santa's sleigh
On those foggy nights

Yes, Rudolph was a now a hero