Dog Jokes

You’re not going to beat a dog for utter loyalty and devotion. You’re not going to beat a dog in any way, because beating dogs is just wrong. Dogs are pack animals and are always happiest when they know their place in the hierarchy. Once that’s figured out, they will give their all happily to please the alpha dog -which is you, if you own the dog. It doesn’t matter that you are ugly, broke, obnoxious, or smelly, you are still the alpha and that’s all that matters. Just seeing you makes a dog’s day, and pleasing you makes them feel on top of the world. It’s not the way I’d want to live my life, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but that’s just the way a dog’s world is. The least we can do is treat them right. They deserve it, no matter how silly they are.



The Dog and the Door (via Bits and Pieces)

Lots of LOLdogs are at I Has A Hotdog.

Fetch!

Queenie in Trouble. A strange excerpt from The Dogway Melody circa 1930.

Dogs with Dye Jobs. (via J-Walk Blog)

A dog suffers from cervical fractures and spinal cord trauma. His name is Lucky. Yes, it’s an old joke, but it’s also the true story of a dog you’ll cheer for.

Dog Thong to iPaw: 15 Pet Products We Can't Believe Exist. The political dog chews are kid of tempting.

Relative Dog Motion. A discussion on physics with the family dog, which helps me understand relativity better than any textbook.

The Dog

by Ogden Nash
The truth I do not stretch or shove
When I state that the dog is full of love.
I've also found, by actual test,
A wet dog is the lovingest.

Violin

(via Dribbleglass)
Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his Uncle was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

His uncle listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, Johnny, can't you play something this damn dog doesn't know?"

NEW DOG BREEDS

(via Bits and Pieces)
The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.

Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.

Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, the traditional Christmas pet.

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.

Pekingese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog.

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as mountain air.

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists.

Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, not a good dog.

Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.

Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by…oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work.

Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end.

Bull Terrier + Shitzu
You figure this one out.

GOLF DOG

A man and his friend meet at the club house and decide to play a round of golf together.

The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs and walks in circles.

The friend is quite amazed at this clever trick and says, "Wow, that dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?"

"Somersaults," says the man.

"Somersaults?!" says the friend, "That's incredible. How many does he do?"

"Hmmm," says the man. "That depends on how hard I kick him."

Persistance (via Arbroath)

Previously at Miss Cellania: Dog Humor, Dogs, Dogs and Cats, Dogs and More Dogs, Puppy Dogs, Dogs and Puppies.

Thought for today: No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.  ~Christopher Morley

humor jokes video funny dog puppy canine pet

Comments

[Mike]

I'm not sure but I think I figured that last one out.