Frogs
Wednesday, 08.09.06 @ 12:02AM 
My recent post on Fairy Tales seemed overweighted with Frog Prince stories. Its because frogs are just plain strange. Weird. Funny. My cement pond has been taken over by frogs. The fish died for some still unknown reason, the neighbor’s dogs have trashed my water lilies, but the frogs have multiplied. The thousands of tadpoles have four legs now, but still have tails. That’s weird. And weird is what makes frogs so funny. Really, there are just a few factors that spawn all frog jokes.
1. The cursed prince story.
2. The tasty legs.
3. Eating flies.
4. The jumping thing, “leap frog” as it were.
5. Ribbit.
6. Warts. I know that’s supposed to be toads, but many people don’t see a difference.
7. The idea of having a "frog in the throat".
8. Kermit the Frog.
OK, OK, there are a LOT of things that make frogs funny! And here are some of the funny things.
The frog gets his in this VW ad.
The Random Frog Generator. (Thanks, Bill!)
Peter’s frog collection.
Kermit likes big butts.
Kill the Frog Game. You’ll understand when you see it. (Thanks, Bill!)
FROG
(lifted from Wulfweard)
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to
the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron" He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6"
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."
He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honour, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God."
THE REALLY CUTE PRINCESS
(Thanks, Carl!)
There once was a really cute princess who was walking through the woods. All of a sudden she heard a voice calling, "Hey Really Cute Princess!"
She looked around and didn't see anyone or anything but a frog sitting on a big rock. She started to carry on her way but the frog called again. "Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow next to you, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!"
It had been a very long and boring day so she decided to pick up the frog and give it a try though she really didn't believe the frog at all. The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow beside her. When she woke up the next day what do you think she found?
There on her pillow beside her sat a really Handsome Prince.
Do you believe this story?
No! Neither did her mother!
*********
Jim Henson and Kermit on The Tonight Show in 1974
THE BARTENDER
(Thanks, Carl!)
A drunk was sitting in a bar, and says, "Bartender! Give me another drink."
The bartender shakes his head and says, "No you’re already drunk."
"Well," the drunk says. "How about if I show you something really neat? Then, will you give me another drink?"
"Ok," the bartender says. "It will have to be spectacular."
The drunk takes a small saxophone and a frog out of his pockets and sets them on the bar. The frog picks up the saxophone and starts playing a jazzy song. The bartender says that is worth a drink. The drunk guzzles it down, and asks for another drink.
"You can’t have another one," the bartender says. "You've had to many already."
"If you let me have another drink I'll show you more spectacular than the frog," says the drunk. The bartender laughs at the drunk but he agrees to give him just one more drink. The drunk pulls out a hamster and puts it up on the bar beside the frog.
The frog begins to play the saxophone again, and the hamster begins to sing to the music. The bartender laughs, and sits another drink on the bar.
Another guy who was seated next to the drunk watching the show, says to him, "You've got an amazing team there. I'll give you $1,000,000 for them right now."
"They are not for sale," the drunk says.
"Ok, $1,000,000 just for the frog."
"He’s not for sale."
"Ok, $1,000,000 just for the hamster."
The drunk says ok, so the guy gives the drunk the money and walks out of the bar.
The bartender, shocked and confused asks the drunk, "Why did you sell the hamster? You broke up an amazing team!"
"No I didn’t," the drunk says. "You see, the frog's a ventriloquist.
THE ENCHANTED FROG
(Lifted from Holtie’s House)
An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She
searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her. He whispered, "I'M SO LONELY, TOO, BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME
WITH, YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY."
The lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down t he road, the frog whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY."
So the lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince
The prince then returned the lady's kiss.
Suddenly, the lady felt herself transforming from thekiss.
Now can you get what the lady turned into?
Come on, guess!
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SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!
She's older.......NOT DEAD!!!!!
Thought for today: Times fun when you’re having flies.
humor jokes video funny games frog tadpole toad 
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Reader Comments (11)
I don't know how you keep doing it!
Thank you so much!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one
*ducking throwd items*
Those stories were a BLAST. How fun
My Mom use to call me every night and she would always use "we" when it was just she. I purchased her a frog that she kept in her pocket and it made our conversations go so much better.
My 10-year-old daughter trying to teach a 17-year-old English. They're doing this by making him practice a script of "Who's on First" that they downloaded on the internet.
I think they're ready to go out and become high-powered educational consultants. Their method makes more sense than many on which I've been lectured.