Tequila Beach Party
Wednesday, 06.21.06 @ 12:19AM
Lets have a party! Its Summer Solstice time, at least here in the Northern Hemisphere. In Antarctica, they are celebrating Midwinter with no sunshine at all. Up here, the calendar says its the first day of summer. Does that seem odd? Shouldn’t it be the middle of summer when the sun is at its most direct angle to us? Today gives us the longest period of sunshine all year long, so lets have a beach party! Grab the sunblock and the Jimmy Buffet CDs, and lets mix up some margaritas!
Some music to set the mood.
Remember Oy to the World? If you liked that, you’ll love Meshuggah Beach Party.
The all-over sunburn.
THE CURE-ALL
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.
Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.
Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity,
delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
What is Tequila?
In the game Akimo the Tequila Worm, you have to help the worm get to his drink, while avoiding cacti, scorpions, and spiders.
See what happens when a blogger drinks too much.
| You Are a Blueberry Margarita |
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There are those who would argue that the de riguere drink for a beach party would be rum. OK, I’ll drink to that, too! Read about the Misunderstood Mai Tai.
SWIMSUIT
I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing costume. When I was a child in the 1950's, the bathing costume for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure - boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a damn good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure chipped from marble. The mature woman has a choice - she can either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral costume with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus escaped from Disney's Fantasia - or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluoro rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks. The reason for this is that a shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the bathing costume, but as I twanged the shoulder strap into place I gasped in horror - my bosom had disappeared. 
Eventually I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib. The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump.
I re-aligned my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full-view assessment. The bathing costume fitted all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersize cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent salesgirl popped her head through the curtains "Oh,they are YOU!" she said, admiring the bathers. I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave
the appearance of an oversize napkin in a serviette ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with a ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane on a bad day. I tried a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high-cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to
wear them.
Finally I found a costume that fit...a two-piece affair with shorts-style bottoms and a halter top. It was cheap, comfortable and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. When I got home, I read the label which said 'Material may become transparent in water", but I'm determined to wear it anyway. I just have to learn to breaststroke in the sand.
THE SUNBURN
A man was on holiday in the Caribbean and liking the continual good weather settled down for a day's sunbathing. He fell asleep and after a whole day his legs were sunburnt beyond belief and he could hardly stand for the pain. So he goes along to the doctor for treatment.
The doctor looks at his sunburnt legs and said, "well, you realize that this is only a small village surgery and in reality I've really got nothing at all to help you. However, try this and gives him one tablet of Viagra."
So the man says "but I've got acute sunburn what's a Viagra tablet going to do?"
The doctor says, "basically, nothing at all for the sunburn but it will help keep the sheets off of your legs tonight."
Thought for today: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
humor links video funny games summer tequila party marguerita 
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Reader Comments (14)
I'm a Strawberry Marg: You're so sweet it's a little overwhelming, and people are a little afraid of corrupting you...
It's a little difficult to imagine you with a margarita. And you're truly a different person after you've kicked back a couple!
ROFL Yeah, people are afraid of corrupting ME. What a hoot.
Have a great day!
Honestly, there's no one quite like you. And believe it or not, most people think that's a bad thing!
You're open, wild, friendly, wacky, and tons of fun. You have a big personality... and a big heart.
I had fun here..lol at swimsuits.....have a great day!
RockyJay, I'm doing my best to further the cause, it seems. Naw, I (and other female bloggers) post things like that to make myself look better by comoparison.
Raggedy and Karen, I could have predicted those results!
Complex and sophisticated, you're the type most likely to order a round of twelve dollar designer margaritas.
You also entertain with flair, and you've whipped up a few original signature drinks in your time!
Yawp.
I wonder how they managed to keep their bad side open on the internet !!