Redneck Wedding

If you’ve been to more than a few weddings in your lifetime, you probably have one that stands out in your mind as THE redneck wedding. I have at least a dozen in my past, but NOT MINE. Just because the bride (me) tended bar at the reception, or the rehearsal dinner was held out on the porch of my apartment complex, or we danced to polka music at a Chinese restaurant doesn’t make it a redneck wedding.. or does it? No, mine was small potatoes compared to the redneck weddings I've found reported on the internet, where you can become famous for doing some incredibly tacky things.

Uncle Bob on the Redneck Wedding from Hell.

Another first hand account.

Yet another.

And...  another.

The groom wore camoflage.

You can buy The Redneck Wedding Planner.

Redneck Wedding Etiquette

• Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
• Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.
• When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
• A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
• For the groom: at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance.
  Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

More redneck wedding etiquette.

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE AT A REDNECK WEDDING

10. Rehearsal dinner held at Hooters

9. Instead of "Friends of the bride or friends of the groom?" ushers ask "Ford Or Chevy?"

8. Bridesmaids: Pink Tube Tops
Groomsmen: Travis Tritt T-Shirts

7. Phrase "I Do" replaced by "I Heard That"

6. Tender rendition of "The Wedding Song" performed by Pinkard & Bowden

5. When the minister asks "Who giveth this woman to be married"... some guy in the back stands up and hollers "Earnhardt!"

4. Reception conversation includes the phrase, "So what have you been doing since Hee Haw, Mr. Lindsay?"

3. Snack trays at reception: Vienna sausages and Nacho Cheese Doritos

2. Plans for the honeymoon evening include tickets to the monster truck rally

....And The Number One Way To Tell If You're At A Redneck Wedding...

Sign in front of the church: No Shirt... No Shoes... No Problem!

One important hallmark of a redneck wedding is the bridesmaids dresses. They have to be extremely ugly. This can happen at any wedding, as most bridesmaids know. See some of the worst at The Dress Incinerator, and at Ugly Dress.

Some pretty redneckish shenanigans going on at these weddings!

WEDDING ALBUM

(click to enlarge)
The Reception

The Happy Couple
The Wedding Cake

 

The Limosine
 

THE GUN SHOP

A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun. The clerk, seeing that the customer was well-dressed and probably had a well-padded pocketbook, showed him a Belgian  handcrafted mother of pearl inlay weapon and Demonstrated  its fine points. A bargain at $12,000.

The customer says, "No, not quite what I need."

Then the clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points. A steal at only $7,500.

The customer says, "No, I don't need anything that fancy."

The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model. Only $299.95.

The customer says, "That will do nicely. After all, it's an informal wedding."

 
Thought for today: A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.

PS: The guys at File It Under are having a contest for the most creative punishment for spammers. Cash prizes!

humor links video funny redneck wedding marriage jokes

Comments

[Karen]

Ahh, rednecks are so entertaining LOL

Hey, what's wrong with Twinkies and Ho-Ho's for a wedding cake? ;-)

[Penny]

AHHHHHHHH!! I think I wore that dress at a wedding right after high school!!

[North Carolina guy]

That's pronounced "Vye - eena" sausage, of course.

Kelly Ripa jokes that she got married in Las Vegas. My first marriage was at Dillon, South Carolina, home of South of the Border, I think, (It's been so long ago) We ran off on Saturday, (had to call ahead to make arrangements) then had a quick trip to Myrtle Beach, and then drove back home so I could go to work Monday morning. Oh, and it was a Chevy.

[Skunkfeathers57]

LOL...you forgot the redneck honeymoon suite; I'll email you two choices ;-)

[rockyjay]

What's wrong in having rehearsal dinner held at Hooters?

After all, when my friend Kenneth's friend married his cousin, they held the wedding reception at Hooters...

[actor212]

Was your wedding redneck?

Hmmmmm....MissC...how many dogs were under the porch at the rehearsal dinner?

And did your husband force them to wear bowties?

[Raggedy]

I am enjoying your site. You are a riot! Thanks.

Have a wonderful day!

[LAZY Blogger]

Ms. C. ~ The worst thing about showing up at one of these Red-Neck Weddings, is having someone see you there and NOT notice that you DON'T belong there! Talk about making it even MORE painful! ~ jb///

[Big_Dave_T]

Polka music at a redneck wedding? Never. I did play the accordion at a wedding once where the groom requested the country favorite "Please Release Me." I was told by my grandfather that there are two songs that you don't play at weddings, that one and "Your Cheatin' Heart."

[Saur]

One of my readers, Ellen, is a caterer and just posted about the most horrible wedding experience she's ever had here: http://thesecretgarden13.blogspot.com/2006/05/sadly-first-for-me.html

[poopie]

Are y'all makin' fun of me and my darlin's nuptials???

[Miss Cellania]

Karen, it would be OK for someone ELSE's cake!

Penny, I believe we ALL wore that dress at one time or another.

NC Guy, you oughta write up the WHOLE story for us!

Thanks, Skunk, I'll be using those in the next redneck edition.

Rocky Jay, is that why you went to it?

Carl, I was in Missouri, way far from home and the dogs under the porch. It was as redneck as we could make it, though!

Raggedy, thanks!

JB, I don't know about you, but I seem to always fit right in.

Big Dave T, you are an accordian player? I've never met one before! We played records, and eight tracks at my wedding.

Saur, I read that! What a horrible experience!

[Miss Cellania]

OK, Poopie, I think thats a story you need to tell!

[reble4life]

omg i went to a redneck wedding about 3 times and their so funny. i wouldn't have it any other way!

[jen]

Redneck weddings are fun, biker weddings take the cake! I went to one a few years ago, I was the only woman that had long hair, and my husband the only guy to have short hair. We were also the only people other than the bride (and groom as he was in denim) that were not wearing leather. The chapel of the biker church was red...and I do mean red. Photographs posted all over of the biker ministry and their prison program. But what took the cake (at least for me) was the bride walking down the aisle, in a beautiful dress with a lowcut back...displaying not quite all of a full back tattoo. It was my husband's best friend, and I love him dearly...but, wow. (Reception was more normal, as his side of the family set it up, and although the men still all had long hair and/or mullets, it was bbq and mexican food at his mom's house...quite a let down after the church!)

[BBBB]

Howdy
I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. I can't believe you took time out of your day to read this. Good bye loser!!

[Beverly]

Is it considered a redneck wedding cos he wants to get married at the Texas Motor Speedway in the Winners Circle? lol

[toto]

Kin o' mine wanted a quiet weddin', sos we put a silencer on the shotgun!!

[Mary Sue]

OMG How did you get all these pictures of my family?

[Kimberly]

oh lordi, i absolutly LOVE rednecks. redneck weddings and redneck everything. that ho ho / twinkie wedding cake sure does look good..cheap and good. i bet it cost a whole 10$ tops. thats including the pillars :D

[Cindy]

I am attending a redneck wedding this coming Saturday. I don't like weddings -- they tend to be very boring for me, but I am attending this one solely because I don't want to miss anything tacky, funny, outrageous, scary (and I can't think of any more adjectives). I do believe the food will be good, though, as it will be homemade, and the reception will be outside in the bride's yard, of course.

[Amber ><]

hahah. this is great, i love redneck weddings. i mean;; i want to have a cute mossy oak dress but not completely rednecked out, it's gotta be special for me! =]


loving the pics thoughhhhh veryy kewl.

[beth]

ya know this kinda ticks me off. me and my family are all proud rednecks, so if your no bonefied redneck like us. then dont even talk bout us. i dont care wat u say. good or bad. stay away from us rednecks and leave us alone. at least were happy with who we are and wat we do. so back off

[samantha]

im looking for a camoflage brides dress not having any luck can anyone help me if so please e-mail me thanks alot

[Jaqueline]

I had a verry good laugh here at my workplace. I am a <a href="http://www.redthreadevents.com">wedding planner</a> and i am always looking for ideas. I think i got a good one from here.

[Wedding Planning Bay Area]

Kelly Ripa jokes that she got married in Las Vegas. My first marriage was at Dillon, South Carolina, home of South of the Border, I think, (It's been so long ago) We ran off on Saturday, (had to call ahead to make arrangements) then had a quick trip to Myrtle Beach, and then drove back home so I could go to work Monday morning. Oh, and it was a Chevy.

[redneck]

rbnlsn lonelysails

[redneck]

rbnlsn lonelysails

[Amanda]

This is G.R.E.A.T.!...its pretty darn funny tooo if ya ask me. Im perty country my self so i think this amusing.

[Venues Essex]

lol at "Hussys store ".They have got guns,wedding gowns and cold beer,,,i am still laughing at it.

[brittany]

I'm working on planning a redneck wedding for me and my husband we are riding off on 4 wheelers and I am walking down the aisle to lets get dirty by heartland

[Donnasaur]

I am planning a REDNECK wedding for Aug 25th of this year, could ya'll give me ideas on a bridal gown and groomswear???? It's extremely important as half of our guest will be in jeans, t-shirts, or bathing suits. Thank you, Donna Johnson and Scott Suttles