Lawn Mowing

I recall a radio commercial that gave lawn care tips. One was “Never cut more than a third of the grass’ height.” WHAT? You want me to mow every day? I guess so, after all they WERE selling lawnmowers. See, where I live, grass grows about eight inches a week in April and May (not quite as fast as kudzu, which can grow 36 inches a day). You might be able to mow once a week, but sometimes not even that often because its always raining. So whenever I mow this time of year, its like hacking through the rain forest. Even if I could afford one, I couldn’t use a riding mower on this yard, since the one flat area is devoted to vegetables. The rest is up and down and sideways. The place has been called “charming”, which translates to “high-maintenance wreck”. I have so many flowerbeds, patios, and structures, plus a cement pond, that there is as much trimming as mowing to do. So you can see that I don’t really look forward to mowing. I do look forward to having it done and over with!

THE REPAIR

(Thanks, Jeanine!)

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first -- the truck, the MGB, the Mini, the Triumph, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


Man arrested for driving drunk on a lawnmower.

This industrial blushhog will cut through the densest brush.

 The Lawn Mower Repair Man will help you fix it yourself!

Smart Vocal Toad is waxing poetic about lawn dandelions.

World Record Lawn Mower Jump.

 

 HOW ABOUT A SONG?

    The grass kept growing in the hot sun
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won

    I spread fertilizer about six times
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won

    The weeds started sprouting in a marathon
    I pulled them one by one
    I sprayed 50 gallons of Weed-B-Gone
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won

    I killed the whole yard in a defeat
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won

    I paved it over with concrete
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won

    A green, thick lawn like my neighbor has
    I always wanted one
    But all I got was a pain in the grass
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won
    I fought the lawn and the lawn won

PREGNANT PAUSE

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you a question."

"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

Thought for today: The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless.

humor links video funny lawn lawnmower yard grass weeds

Comments

[Peter]

Our grass grows like that too Miss C, for about 3/4 months, Sep to Jan.

[actor212]

Up at my country estate, I stopped mowing, hired my neighbor to mow once every other week, and planted herbs like thyme, which overtake the grass fairly quickly.

Thyme leaves this really cool purple carpet on your lawn, never needs more than a quick trim, and has a lovely fragrance when it's stepped on.

Drawbacks? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, skunks seem to like it, but that's not too bad as the mountain lion keeps them in check...

[Miss Cellania]

Country estate? I'm impressed!!

[Wulfweard]

Hasn't stopped raining for the past week but we still have a hosepipe band as the South of England is suffering a draught. For this reason I will only be cutting the grass sparingly as when the sun does come out it will just turn into a brown dustbowl. Whoever said this is 'A green and pleasant land' hasn't seen my lawn....

[Old Horsetail Snake]

I want one of those auto shredders for my lawn. Take me about 5 seconds.

[actor212]

MissC,

Does this mean you and I might actually go on a date one day, now? :-)

[Miss Cellania]

The country estate makes no difference in the probability. I'm still impressed! ;-)

[John]

Howdy! I cut grass all summer long as my job. I recommend keeping three to four inches of length after mowing, the grass' roots won't be stressed out by cutting the grass too short then. Michigan grass is probably a bit different than down south. And nothing at all like the grass in Florida, that stuff looks like crab grass to me!

[Simply Coll]

Would you believe I received a weedeater for my birthday.. cordless and battery operated. I just LOVE it. My husband mows the lawn and I do the trimming. Man.. we have got to get a life. :-)