in 
Life Cycles
Life Cycles Friday
19May
Marriage
Friday, 05.19.06 @ 12:50AM 
Its a little strange to see the inner workings of a relationship on the internet for everyone to see, but if it were a great marriage like the one between Cheryl at Mad Baggage and Prydwen at Wulfweard the White, then it could survive the scrutiny of us blog surfers. A sense of humor goes a LONG way, as illustrated in this post about a love letter. But this isn’t about GOOD marriages, no no no, notwithstanding the UK lovers above, its rare to find something funny about that! Lets find some humor in marriages that go tragically wrong!
Reasons men should avoid marriage.
More reasons.
Don’t get married, girls. 
100 reasons not to get married.
Don’t get married, you idiot!
A divorce horror story.
And another.
THE BEQUEST
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"
Man: "No dear."
Woman: "I'm sure you would."
Man: "Okay, I would"
Woman: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
Man: "Ya, I guess so."
Woman: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
Man: "No, she's left handed."
Silence.
Man: “Damn.”
THE RIDE
A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.
Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he
says, "I'll have
the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the
boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."
Moral of the Story:
Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
THE WISH
A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife looked on in disbelief and exclaimed "My gosh! It really works!"
OLD SAWS
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin' ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen
When a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past -but never the present.
MARRIAGE COUNSELING
Previously on Miss Cellania: Divorce or Murder
Thought for today: Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
PS I hope you all know I’m being facaetious here. Even though I’m single now, I’ve had a good marriage as well as a bad one, the only problem is you can’t be sure going in. I still believe the payoff can be worth the leap of faith.
humor marriage funny wedlock marriage counseling divorce jokes
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Reader Comments (13)
One line I cherish from those miserable days is my remake of an old cliche: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and your continued absence makes my heart grow fonder of the status quo".
And then he is finished.
Marriage is like an airport. A man brings his luggage to it, and hopes to walk out with the same set he brought in.
So where is this post that is exactly like mine ("Well-known Bible teacher")? Is it on the old site?
Skunk, you've NEVER been married? Thats rare. Just think of how many more funny stories you'd have to tell!
Coll, me, too.
Carl, can I take it you're a bit sour on matrimony?
I have been incredibly thick - I still had your old site in my feeds instead of this one.
Off to rectify that, now.
At least I have lots of catching up to do :-)
However, my favorite quote of all time applies here, from Peter Cook, the British comedian: "Of course I learn from my mistakes. I keep perfecting them!"
Thanks, Karen!
Saur, good one, I agree.
Cheryl, I've messed with the RSS feeds, it might be straightened out by now.
Do you like this better than blogger?