Flamingos and Other Birds
Wednesday, 12.13.06 @ 12:00AM 
I think birds might be the most humorous class of animal life on the planet. Parrots talk (which is always good for a punchline), ducks waddle, geese honk, and penguins star in movies. But a flamingo just stands still and looks so strange and unearthly that you can’t help but smile, if not give out a bellylaugh. Look! His beak is upside down and his feathers are pink! That can’t be right! Can it?
Here’s the straight dope on why flamingos are pink. Stanford University has a report on why the flamingo’s bill is upside-down. But who can explain why the Pink Plastic Flamingo (phoeniclpteris ruber plasticus) has multiplied so fruitfully over the southern half of the US? Our friends at Useless Information, of course!
Flamingo Flamenco (via Ursi’s Blog)
Gallery of Pink Plastic Flamingos in their natural habitat.
Watch the documentary Pink Plastic Flamingos: Ambassador of the American Lawn online at your convenience!
The Pink Plastic Lawn Flamingo is an endangered species, since some mysterious illness has affected them, as you can see on the right. No, really, the company that manufactures them, Union Products, is going out of business.
A Flabongo is a product shaped like a flamingo . At first I thought it was a horn, but decided it must be something to drink out of. The website doesn’t tell what it is. Is that a marketing mistake? (via Everlasting Blort)
Beers All Around
A man walks into a bar with a flamingo under one arm and a cat under the other. He goes up to the bar and orders a beer then he asks the flamingo what it wants, the flamingo says "a beer."
Then he asks the cat what it wants and the cat says "a beer, but I'm not paying for it".
They all go off and drink their drinks, 10 minutes later they are all back at the bar, the same happens again. The man orders a beer, the flamingo orders a beer and the cat orders a beer but again says "I'm not paying for it".
Anyway this happens a few more times the same way. By now the bartender's getting curious so he asks the man what's going on. The man replies "Well I found this old lamp so I gave it a rub and a genie appeared, it granted one wish so I asked for a tall bird with a tight pussy.”
Flamingo Gallery
A Tale of Two Cockies is a love story about cockatoos. If you've never seen a baby cockatoo, be warned that its not pretty. But you'll enjoy this pictoral about a disabled mama and a devoted daddy.
Monty Python’s Dead Parrot Sketch
THE TRUCK
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door.
The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"
To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, so I have to keep half of them flying at all times."
Pious Parrots
(Thanks, Eva!)
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
“What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem? I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,
"Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered."
Kiwi! (this is so cute, but it made me cry)
Previously on Miss Cellania: Birds
Thought for today: Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk. -Jack Handy
View Printer Friendly Version
Reader Comments (6)
I used to have one pink flamingo in the garden and it had to be in there for 20 years and was orange by the time we buried it.
The cartoons were a hoot. Thanks for the giggles!