Dating
Monday, 12.11.06 @ 12:02AM 
In the two and a half years since I found myself single, I’ve had exactly three dates, two of them with one guy. My experience with both is that of having a wonderful time with a great friend, but pretty much emotionally one-sided. I may be old, but I’m too young to settle for that. At the same time, dating someone I don’t know is a frightening business that I would just as soon put off til, uh, hell freezes over. Its because I’ve learned from the experiences of others. I’ll share some of those with you today. If you don’t learn something (which I won’t guarantee), you might get a smile out of it.
Some strange lonely hearts ads.
If you’re looking for a lady who won’t split on you, check out Inmates for You, a matchmaking site for incarcerated woman.
Online dating strategies from Cracked.
Ravenstoke, Alaska had ten men for every woman. They took matters into their own hands to rectify the situation. (Thanks, Amy!)
If only meeting Mr. Right were as easy as this! (via Theater of the Absurd)
Anytime you sign up with a dating service, you get tons of useless inquiries for every possible match. At least that’s what I’ve heard. A friend of mine has launched a new site called Weird Dating Mail to share some of the weirder messages she’s received through online dating services, unidentified, of course. You are invited to submit your own weird dating messages.
The Useless Men have some better-than-average advice on sex in one of their latest posts.
How to be the Perfect Boyfriend. (via Arbroath)
Computer Dating
A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small.
The computer operated faultlessly.
It sent him a penguin.
Another Joke
A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character.
Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence.
The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common -- they were both pathological liars.
Blind Date
Two college friends met for coffee on Saturday morning.
"How was your blind date?" one girl asked the other.
"Awful!" the other answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?"
The disappointed college student replied, "He was the original owner."
Top 10 rejection lines given by women
(and what they mean - men take note!)
10. I think of you as a brother.(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance.')
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)
5. I don't date men where I work.(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male perspective thing.)
Gallery of Available Men
Click to enlarge. (Thanks, Karen and Jules!)
Less Than Three (a cyberdating song)
Previously on Miss Cellania: In All the Wrong Places, Mr. Right, Seeking, Crossed Signals, and Sex and the Single Blogger.
Thought for today: Computerized dating can save a lot of guesswork - but so can a bikini. - Ed Parrish
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Reader Comments (10)
Therefore, I travel the path of least expectance ;-)
I recall this guy being in the prison when they met.
She showed me his picture and I wouldn't be so sure about the cheating part -- well, at least he isn't willingly.
Anyway, I've always been wondering if this chick dumps him he when he gets out?
Dating is weird.
When Mrs. RockyJay dumps me... I sure give you a shot.
It's come to the point where you actually need to check ID to make sure they're telling the truth about that! Worse yet is where you actually have to run a background check and get STD/AIDs tests to even consider going out with them at all. OY!
I am so frightened by the green-latex man picture!
Having just experienced this whole on line dating thing... this was very funny; in fact, I shared it with someone I met on line!
*waving at that someone*
Thank you, ma'am.