Tech Support

We've all dealt with tech support people. Can you imagine what they think of us non-geeks? If there's some idiot mistake to be made, they'll see one of us make it. Bless their hearts.

But tech support stupidity goes both ways.

Lets have some classic music: The System Administrator Song.

This guy is illustrating real computer problems

A Dell employee got busted for pot in Manhattan recently. President Bush and many conservative lawmakers are surprisingly upset, as they have always pushed the view that marijuana is a Gateway drug.

Error message haiku

The Web site you seek
cannot be located,
but countless more exist.
--------------------------------------------
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
-----------------------------------------------
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
------------------------------------------------
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
-------------------------------------------------
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
-------------------------------------------------
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
-------------------------------------------
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
-------------------------------------------------
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
-------------------------------------------------
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
-------------------------------------------------
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
-------------------------------------------------
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.
------------------------------------------------
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
must now be retyped.
-------------------------------------------------
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

*
I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping
on the internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".

*

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.."
Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"

*

Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. "What do I do?"
"Just use copier machinepaper," she told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
*

Technical Support Request Form

1. Describe your problem:

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__B. Minor__C. Minor__D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:A. Locked Up__B. Frozen__C. Hung__D. Strange Smell__

6. Is your computer plugged in?
Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on?Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself?
Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse?
Yes__

10. Have you had "a friend" who "Knows all about computers" try to fix it foryou?Yes__ No__
11. Did they make it even worse?
Yes__

12. Have you read the manual?
Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you've read the manual?Maybe__ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?
No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it?Yes__ No__

16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself.

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

l8. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in?

19. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem?Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00?
Yes__ What's a VCR?__

21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'?Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem?
Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work?Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on?
Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top?Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire?
Yes__ Not Yet__

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me?Yes_

 

Thought for today: Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!

Comments

[Barbara]

you find the best stuff EVER! I have lots of friends in IT and I will send them over here. LMAO!!!

[Peter]

Been there, done that.

[Skunkfeathers]

Geek Haiku...LOL

11 years on the computer, and I'm still very much locked in Basic On-Off mode...

[Mikey]

That comic panel is funny! and probably not far from the truth.

[actor212]

Personally, I miss Mac OS7, 8, and 9 (the Classic mode), where, when you crashed, a bomb came up on your screen.

That's a whole lot more comforting that Windoze deciding that your room needed new lighting with the blue screen of death...

[Karen]

The tech support form is a hoot and so is the cartoon. It's fun to mess with a tech support person who only reads from a form and ask an off-the-wall question, that is if you enjoy listening to the awful music-on-hold and have five hours to spare. ;-)

[deriter]

Classic stuff. great.

[Jean-Luc Picard]

That tachnical help form is reminsicant of the trouble I had this week when the ISP went down on Halloween and the computer wouldn't work

[Jacq]

Well, I've been on both sides of this. I was the caller and worked for a tech support center. Working for one made me truly realize why the callers were as hostile as they were. Tech support usually has standard scripted responses that they use for callers. Then they'll say their system is "updating," and unable to process your request until a later time. Or you can email them and receive a response next week or something. I never take my IT person for granted. Sometimes, I think they perform miracles, until I look over their shoulder, see what they did (which often is something very simple) and I'm thinking, "OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

[Chris]

Great post. I can always count on you for a laugh. I loved the sys admin song and the other jokes were great. I am one of the unofficial "computer experts" in my company and I get so tired of people calling with questions before they've tried restarting their pc.

[Senor]

I hate IT people. They are the most worthless people on this planet.

[mizmell]

I'd hate to that this is sterotypical of IT people... You've got to relaize the majority of computer users are basically very illiterate... it's just a communication gap. Puleese... IT support are dealing with the masses and not your "average joe (or josephine!). Give 'em a break.. they are probably lucky to get minimum wage for the grief they have to put up with...

[Julian]

Tech Support Request Form... screamingly accurate. Did you know it's possible for you to enter your password any number of times, correctly, and get rejected, but as soon as a Tech Support guy comes and watches you, it works fine! Also did you know that Tech Support can instantly identify the software you are working with, just from your very basic description of the fault?

http://ramblingworld.blogspot.com/2006_03_26_ramblingworld_archive.html ... my contribution to the unsung heroes of Tech Support!

[Franking Machines]

I have a very bad experience with IT people .They talk all the mumbo jumbo of technology and don't understand customer's language.