Holiday Shopping Guide 2006
Thursday, 11.23.06 @ 12:02AM 
The Christmas shopping season opens tomorrow! In fact, the day after Thanksgiving is supposed to be the busiest shopping day of the year, mainly because of the outrageous specials stores run to get customers to darken their doors. You’lll hear reports tomorrow about people waiting in line for hours to get some hot toy at a deep discount, and some shoppers who will fight over them. Yeah, its all fun and games til someone loses an eye, and you know that’s gonna happen somewhere tomorrow. Not me, I’ve never played that game. Shopping is so much easier on the net!
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. ~Dave Barry
Men have a tendency to buy the wrong gift.
You don’t want to be a bad gift-giver!
Here are some Christmas gifts that aren’t available, but should be, from Hoss.
I want some of these! Freudian Slippers. Cigar and mouth cancer not included.
Dress up your wine bottles with these awesome wine caddies.
Hang a motion-activated piece of art on the wall. When someone walks by, the Mona Lisa sticks her tongue out! See a video of the Pop Out Portrait in action at Prank Place. (via Random Good Stuff)
Beer Goggles. Do women look better through these? I know wearing them does nothing for YOUR looks!
The Morbid Curiosity Shop has serial killer greeeting cards for all occasions. This includes Christmas! See the new John Wayne Gacy inspired Christmas card. Warning: not for the sensitive. And while you’re at it, you might want to order some killer thongs.
When you ask someone what they want for Christmas, and they say “Nothing”, you can now get it for them. (via Arbroath)
The Last Clock. So cool, but no price listed, since its a limited edition. If you have to ask... (Thanks, Bill!)
Political action figures! I want this sneering Dick Cheney.
Since you’re going to throw dirty clothing on the floor anyway, throw it in the general direction of the Laundry Rug! When you’ve accumulated a decent pile of dirty laundry, just pick it up by the side handles. A drawstring around the edge converts the rug into a bag, as you head to mom’s house... or the laundromat. (via Swiss Miss)
Toilet Dog Bowl. Rover probably wouldn't care, but its good for a laugh!
FOR THE KIDS
When buying gifts for children, its important to check the fine details, if you want to avoid making them neurotic for life.
I’ve seen jokes about this under the heading “Bad Idea Toys”, but this is real! GR8 TaT2 Maker, a “tatoo” making toy for kids.
Open up your very own pretend play tattoo parlor. This easy-to-use tattoo maker kit includes an electronic tattoo pen and funky stencils. Using soft, safe pulsating action, the tattoo pen creates realistic, washable designs with dramatic effects. Requires two AA batteries (not included).It will be the biggest thing to hit the trailer park since Billy Bass! (via Swiss Miss) If your kids are not already familiar with tats, you might consider the book Mommy Has A Tattoo.
Jimmy Page action figure! Measures 7" tall and comes decked out in his iconic dragon suit complete with his double neck guitar, speaker cabinets, and amp.
Turn your ordinary hotdogs into octopussies (octopi?) with Octodog!
Hose Nose Candy comes in a nose-shaped dispenser you can actually attach to your face. The liquid candy snot can be caught in your mouth, if you are reasonably skilled. That may take practice. (via the Presurfer)
Crazy Cat Lady action figure! Comes with 6 cats! 
LETS GET HIGH TECH!
Are you disappointed with Zune? Can’t get a Wii? Can’t afford a PS3? Then you’ve ome to the right place! Here are some Christmas gift ideas that are way different. Gifts that will make them say, “I never expected this!”
I love the Suspicious Looking Device! But I don’t know exactly how to buy one. Its just asking for trouble, anyway!
The USB Hamster Wheel is an utter delight. Plug it into your USB port, load the software from the CD provided and get typing. As you type, the hamster gets running, spinning the hamster wheel around in the process - the faster you type, the faster he runs. This demented rodent sent shrieks of laughter around the office when we tested it, and is the ultimate parody of modern society.
If you find yourself hitting the snooze button and falling asleep again, maybe you need the Flying Alarm Clock.
You'll have to get up when this little baby starts, because it takes off and flies round the room, making a really annoying noise like a mosquito, so you'll have to find it first, before you can turn it off. Even if you hit the snooze button, it will take off again, so it will undoubtedly get you out of bed, though of course it might smash the place up a bit before you catch it, and if you sleep with the windows open you might find yourself running round the garden in your jimjams (no way to wake up) and may frighten the neighbourhood dogs.£19.95 (Approx. €29.33 or $35.91) They expect a new shipment by the end of this month, but you can pre-order now.
Tooth Tunes is a toothbrush that is music to your ears. And jaw. (via Arbroath)
The ten best gadgets to give this year.
BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS
One of my friends runs a unique gift store in Montreal, but you can order online as well from Mortimer Snodgrass. You’ll find funky home decor, toys, baby and kid’s clothing, and jewelry, plus some other stuff you can’t really categorize.
For quality handcrafted jewelry, look at the selection at Nick and Felice’s Etsy Store.
This is the perfect t-shirt for your knight in shining armor! Coffee mugs and thongs also available, designed by Carl of Simply Left Behind.
If you are buying books, movies, games, or any of a million different products from Amazon.com, please enter the portal in my sidebar. When you place an order afterwards, I will receive a small percentage to help pay for this site. Your cost will not increase! Remember this when you are Christmas shopping the easy way... on the net!
BOOKS WRITTEN BY FRIENDS
The Tao of Politics Anthology
The Tao of Love
The 50 Best Movies for the Movie Fans
Romancing the Soul
Fireflies in the Meadow by Lightning Bug’s Butt
Previously on Miss Cellania: Holiday Shopping Guide 2005 and Holiday Shopping Guide 2005 II. Most of these really strange items from last year will still be available, plus there are jokes on those posts.
Thought for today: Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. ~Richard Lamm
humor holiday Christmas funny shopping
Reader Comments (13)
Coming to your site first thing always sets my day off right (or at least laughing - LOL) I loved Freudian SLippers - too funny! And the sneering Dick Cheney - omg, I am ROTF!
The lil' tattoo maker - that is hysterical! All of them - I think I clicked on every link! You're the best darlin'!
Thank you so much for the mention. I am so proud to be included.
May you and your family have a fabulous Thanksgiving!
{{Marti scurries off to download the Google Gadget - LOL}}
You have a great (if a little weird) sense of humor. Thanks for the laughs!
btw, i'm told if you don't mind missing the sales, shopping tomorrow after 5:00 pm is a great time, no crowds.
Happy Turkey Day to you!
Now, I have had my Miss Cellania fix..my day is complete!
Hope your Thanksgiving was nice!