Hangover
Friday, 11.10.06 @ 12:04AM 
Drinking would be a lot more fun if it weren’t for the hangovers. I haven’t drunk enough to have a hangover in many years, even that one time I was tipsy enough to forget what happened... but that wasn’t the amount, it was the altitude. Yeah, thats it. I didn’t even have a hangover then. But there have been a few times (mainly in college) when I was sure I’d have to die to get better. Thats when I decided the best way to cure a hangover is to never do that again. I haven’t yet found a better remedy.
HANGOVER: The wrath of grapes.
Here are lots of possible hangover cures.
Questionably effective hangover remedies.
Some of the effects of a hangover can be seen in this short video.
Some hangovers are worse than others.
Do some types of alcohol cause worse hangovers than others? The answer is yes! (via Mystic Chords)
A simple yet ingenious idea that someone should market. Drinking Chess. I can’t read the rules, but its not hard to figure out: 1. Fill pieces with liquor, 2. when your piece is taken, drink it. This would be as much fun to watch as it would be to participate! Sure beats Chess Boxing.
This drunk woman at the police station doesn’t know when to stop. (via Arbroath)
The Bar is a lovely mystery game I still haven’t solved! (via Innings)
Here in the States, we like our flags stripey, our pies appley and our celebrities blotto. Mental Floss presents Celebrity Drunkards.
The Five Stages of Drunkeness.
Top Ten Myths about Bartenders.
HANGOVER
(Thanks, Eva!)
One Star Hangover ( * )
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well however, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover ( ** )
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover ( *** )
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke, yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover ( **** )
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover ( ***** )
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. In fact, you are probably still drunk. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare "floater" thrown in. The sole purpose of this "floater" seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now!
GOING OUT
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" the father asked.
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
PRICELESS
A man wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"
Previously on Miss Cellania:
Beer Technique
Alcohol
Beer
Tequila Beach Party
Thought for today: I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning that's the best they're going to feel all day.
humor jokes video funny games drinking drunk alcohol hangover
Reader Comments (10)
Not far enough gone to be forgotten...ack
You NEVER get a hangover from that. Look for Chopin vodka (it's pricey), Teton Glacier (if you absolutely don't mind rotgut) or Lusk...Lusus...Luksusowa, the original from Poland.