Sex
Tuesday, 10.03.06 @ 12:10AM 
Warning: This post is about sex. There are jokes and links here that would not raise an eyebrow if I slipped them into a misscellaneous links post, but when I put them all together, I might just maybe have some visitors who’ve never read this site before. For those visitors... you won’t find what you’re looking for here, unless its just plain fun. But its certainly not for children. And the usual suspects should not be shocked, since I gleaned a lot of this material from y’all anyway!
The A-Z of Rock and Roll Sex Scandals. (via Arbroath)
Hale McKay likes to write about sex.
The Useless Men have some useful advice on talking about sex.
Homeo Escapeons gives us a peek at sex amongst the next species over.
Hurry up and finish!
The History of Masturbation. (via Katie Schwartz)
In order to protect innocent citizens from the activities of consenting adults, the Sheriff’s department in Hillsborough County, Florida spent $6400 on 92 lap dances to “gather evidence". Apparently, fewer than 92 wouldn’t have resulted in a conviction.
Looking for sex on the internet can come back to bite you. This guy placed a fake ad, received LOTS of response, then published the names of the respondents! Spouses and bosses found them. (via Yesbutnobutyes)
In Britain, quite a few people would give up sex if it were a choice between that and a long life. The punchline, of course, is that it would just SEEM longer. The British appear to have this reputation for repressing sexual urges, but according to historical archives, this hasn’t always been true.
Spice up your sex life with a book called The Cookie Sutra. You’ll never look at gingerbread men the same way again.
Political sex, set to music. Audio NSFW or children!
Make your own sex toys. Complete instructions.
Carlos has a primer on shopping for sex toys.
It might be easier to just buy them at a sex toy party.
The Useless Men have a warning for women: don’t fall asleep during sex, no matter how bad it is.
THE LOVE DRESS
A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"John loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?”
SEX QUOTES
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. -Rodney Dangerfield
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. -Lynn Lavner
Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant. -George Burns
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. -Barbara Bush
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -Billy Crystal
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? -Dustin Hoffman
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. -Robin Williams
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. -Steve Martin
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life. -Elmo Phillips
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. -Oscar Wilde
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. -George Burns
PHONE SEX
MOWING
On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!"
I took a drink from my can of Busch Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied,
"I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
PORNOGRAPHY SECTION
Porn on the Internet (via konagod)
Perversion for Profit, a 1965 anti-pornography documentary that’s close to pornographic itself. Part one, and part two.
Pornography may be coming soon to a (TV) screen near you!
Previously on Miss Cellania: Sex Education and Male Sexuality
Thought for today: Life is like a penis: When it's soft, you can't beat it, and when it's hard, you get screwed!
humor jokes video funny sex pornography masturbation
Reader Comments (8)
Thanks for the link! The "make your own sex toy" was a kick! I'll never look at a can of "Lays" the same way.
Great post... have a great day!
"exploding boobs" is actually something people search for, and somehow find on my blog. There's also my old Word Porn page.
http://www.abandonedstuff.com/wordporn.html