Petting Zoo
Thursday, 10.19.06 @ 12:05AM 
Calling this post “Petting Zoo” is a clever way (in my opinion) of using links and jokes about livestock and pets that I either have already done a post about, or that I don’t have enough material to do an entire post about. For more animal silliness, check out the earlier posts in the “critters” category.
Animal Superstars: Where Are They Now?
Cartoon time: Merrie Melodies presents A Day At the Zoo.
A Flickr set of Tiny Animals on Fingers. (via the Presurfer)
Where to buy clothes for your ferret. (via Arbroath)
A ferret playing guitar. Not an animation.
The world’s fattest raccoon weighed 75 pounds! 
All about goats.
Strange Philosophy Department: Goat on a Pole.
Pet goat “kidnapped” and taken on a drunken joyride.
Tiny Things: A gallery of cuteness you can’t resist.
Blog of the Day: Lets Be Friends, a photoblog of unusual friendshhips between animals of different species.
Surely by now, you’re familiar with Cute Overload. Now there’s an antidote, a blog called Ugly Overload, where you see the animals who didn’t make the cut.
Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep
Beware the Ninja Chipmonk!
This funny animation is called Gopher Broke. (via PAgent’s Progess)
Learn the affects of different drugs on mice brains by playing the “game” Mouse Party.
Drunk hamsters.
Flight of the Hamsters is an addicting game! How far can YOU fling a hamster? (via Miss New Orleans)
THE HAMSTER CRISIS
(lifted from Simply Left Behind)
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!! Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?" I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)
"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" My son demanded.
"But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be?! I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce!" I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?!" She inquired. (I actually think she had the gall to say this sarcastically.)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" My son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"OH, Gross!" They shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" My wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" My son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911?" My eldest daughter wanted to know," Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in hislap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to ME is one thing, but this boy is of her womb.)
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically. My son appeared impressed by my observation.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" My wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us.
"This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen Ernie is a boy."
"What?"
"You see, Ernie is a young male AND occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um .... er ... masturbate, just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just ... just ... excited?"! My wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And laugh. And then even laugh loudly!
What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face.
"It's just ... that ... I'm picturing you pulling on its ... its teeny little ..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned.
We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, once again collapsing into laughter.
Thought for today: Always check for ferrets before sitting.
PS I need a little boost on 25peeps.com, so could you go over there and click on my face today? Thanks! (I'm the blonde with glasses)
jokes video funny games pets hamsters zoo petting zoo menagerie livestock
Reader Comments (14)
I have hamsters that do that flipping over thing. They are obscessed with it.
I also played the fling hamster game. Absolutely hillarious!
I don't want to steal the stuff you looked so hard for, so I will just show your blog and link it up.
Now, I need to go lie on my back for....medicinal purposes...
I was sad to see that Jinx is dead :-( I wonder if there will be a Meet the Parents 3 and they'll have his ashes next to grandmas ROFL
Have a great day, Miss C!