Cupid's Exam



Love IS blind! That's explains his lousy aim!

Mirror Scenes

How many times have looked in a mirror and saw someone you didn't realize was there with you? Never? Well, it happens a LOT in the movies. (via FilmDrunk)


Old Flame

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who, this morning, called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'.

'Wow!' I was flabbergasted.

'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now', I said, 'I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'

She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'.

'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!'

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!'

So I told her to f*@k off.

(Thanks, Duke!)

Like, 25%



Then they go on to write headlines.

On Second Thought



Amateur

I saw this at mental_floss and realized that it's been over three years since I've posted it, but I still love Lasse Gjertsen's music, completely produced by editing.



Hadacol, the Last of the Medicine Shows

Advertiser-supported entertainment is nothing new. Since medieval times, people could see free entertainment right in their hometown as long as they listened to a sales pitch for dubious remedies along with the singing, dancing, and side show acts. Sales of snake oil and other patent medicines paid for the show and then some. Like other forms of traveling entertainment, the medicine show lost its luster when people gained the opportunity to go see movies instead. The medicine show had one last hurrah during the 20th century in the form of Hadacol. Read the story of the last great medicine show in this article I wrote for mental_floss.

If Men Ruled the World

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

"Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops.(Or to the crooks.)

The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From A Different Camera Angle."

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.



Math Cat



(via Fark)

Valentines Day in a Nutshell

This happens to more people than you'd think. In a metaphorical sense, of course.

The Birds and the Bees

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

(Thanks, April!)

Dead Sea



(via Criggo)

Hand Job



(via 9gag)

High Energy

What his eyes dilate and constrict! That's the wildest part of the video. (via I Can Has Cheezburger)



The Flasher

Three older ladies named Rose, Gertrude and Mildred were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the parking lot. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Rose immediately had a stroke. Then Gertrude also had a stroke.

But Mildred, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

(via It Occurred to Me)